WONDEROAK

In brief moments of family serenity, where everyone is acting very Brady Brunch and not screaming or tearing off their clothes, people ask me what my secrets are. We’d have to sit down to coffee for me to get all specific, but I do have a few vices that make the day to day more doable.

Mommy must haves…

Stretchy pants and yoga wear.  For when I want to go into public, but I don’t want to wear pants. These are the kosher pajamas of upscale establishments such as Target and after school pick up. To all ya’ll judging the modesty of this choice, you’re welcome for not being naked.

Cocktail Hour. The very not fancy hour where my two year old is attached to my leg screaming and I’m attempting to make dinner.

The Espresso/Coffee. Because it makes me awake and an adult. It creates the maturity gap between me and my toddler. Although tantrums feel nice, my husband appreciates it when I use words. Also, thank you coffee for making me regular without having to eat any vegetables or fruit. Do you prevent scurvy? Just wondering.

 Thrift Store Buys and Bargain Bins. Cheap toys that buy hours of playtime (also known as productive time for me). Kinda gross, but I push past it with the help of all-purpose cleaner.

A disclaimer though. This giant $3.oo impulse buy has joined me on more than one trip to Target, as well as crept into my bed in the middle of the night, which is a cold and very plastic-y surprise. Choose wisely. Also, remind me never to buy this child a real horse.

The “Top-Knot”.  I want to give a shout out to Glamour for declaring the “Top-Knot” (a very high bun) still trendy, in 2015.  I am basically married to this hair style. It makes me feel clean and presentable without requiring things like “brushes” and “showers”. What’s not to love? It is the scrunchy of the modern mom. When I do blow dry my hair and wear it down I get lots of compliments on my new color and cut. (Strangers or other people like my husband). I understand, I also forget what I look like un-top-knotted.

The Beauty School. So there was that one time they dyed my hair black on accident and I looked like a pregnant zombie. That was exciting. Or the time that an advanced-in-age student shaved off my husband’s side burns and proclaimed him Tom Cruise’s EXACT look alike. It was debatable. BUT. This is CHEAP pampering. I have learned to limit it to things that can be undone like an up-do for my birthday party (it was a prom theme). My hair looked promish and awesome. Which got me thinking…maybe I could go there like once a week? I wonder how much they would charge to wash and brush my hair.

A Large Purse. Because you just don’t know what you might need and SO MANY things fit in there!

Okay. None of these things are helpful, except maybe the card for when I’m sad, and the crayons for one of my kids to color on the used check books. I’m not sure. The point is I CAN fit things like diapers, wipes and sippy cups in there.

Amazon Prime. This is one-click-miraculous. Note though, never have a glass of wine while indulging in internet shopping. That was an epic moment of power for me that resulted in several sequin ball gowns. One click returns would also be nice.

Kidz Bop Music. Current music without the risk of scandalizing my children. It’s nice that Bruno Mars and Meghan Trainor are more popular in my house than Elsa. Except when I went dancing for my birthday and was singing my heart out. I really thought that song went: “Fill my cup, put some water in it.” (It does not.)

Friends. Friends are my best and favorite secret. Do you know what makes my day seem more hilarious than terrible? Texting with a bunch of descriptive emojis. Things like: Some random lady just walked up to me and woke up my sleeping baby 😡👊 or The only place Haven would sleep last night was on top of me 😭😴👼😂🛀 or Girls Night tonight?🍹🍩🍬. I’m not kidding it helps.

Keep on keepin’ on Mama! You’ve got this. If you’re wondering if these things ensure my life being together, they do not. I just picked up my kids from school wearing knee-high christmas socks and a pair of classic Toms. That is what happens to me when I take more time to write and less time to dress.

If you enjoyed please share, and don’t forget to comment which hack is your own go-to, or a “hack” I didn’t mention!

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For more reading like this, check out 10 Reasons to Stop Judging Parents and Don’t Judge My Uterus.