0:00 Decided to go on a half mile walk with my 4yo. It’s not far, it seems like a good idea.
0:10 This was a terrible idea.
0:15 Stopped because there is a was a piece a of dead christmas tree on the sidewalk. Said, “Oh cool”, but kid wasn’t convinced, had to feign interest for a solid 10 minutes before we could move on.
0:35 Taking dead christmas tree with us.
0:45 Kid wants water, doesn’t like our water.
1:00 There are cracks in the sidewalk, kid doesn’t understand why there are cracks.
1:15 Kid wants to watch Oomie Zoomie. Say no, this is about being outside.
1:30 Give in, this is actually about survival.
1:35 Phone dies. We are screwed.
2:00 Dead Christmas tree branch breaks, 4yo’s day has never been so bad.
2:15 Kid wants to know what “h-i-j-k-l” spells. She doesn’t want to hear my answer.
2:30 Brought the stroller, kid not using stroller.
2:45 Her hand is so squishy and cute.
3:00 There is a bug on the sidewalk it’s name is Lily.
3:15 We are walking so slow I can no longer tell if we are moving.
3:30 Everyone has to pee.
3:49 Kid found a branch with leaves on it. She cannot walk further until she picks off all the leaves. (Reason unknown.)
4:00 We are only 800ft from the house but our supplies will not last. Ran out of goldfish and water hours ago.
4:30 We are going to die here.
If you enjoy half-mile walks that take upwards of four hours…
parenthood is for you.