Dear Hot Mess Mom: To me you are perfect.

It’s tempting to pretend that there aren’t ritz crackers hidden deep inside my shag carpet, along with some other things I probably don’t want to know about. It’s tempting to pretend my four-year-old doesn’t rock the same “favorite” dress three days in a row, and that I don’t currently smell like men’s Old Spice deodorant. Sometimes I’d rather my life looked like a Instagram feed of awesome. I’d also rather my butt looked like a bubble instead of a wide pancake, but we all have to live our truth.

The thing I’ve noticed is that when I don’t pretend, I find my people (the ones who don’t pretend either), and to me that reward is everything. Literally everything.

So to the women, the moms, the people, who don’t pretend…

THANK YOU.

Thank you for your bravery.

There is no one more beautiful to me than you.

There’s no one more beautiful to me than my friend with a messy bun on top of her head, a kitchen sink overflowing with dishes, a screaming baby on her hip, and a struggle she’s in the middle of.

There’s no one more beautiful to me than my friend who walked through a terrible miscarriage open and vulnerably, and is now holding her rainbow baby in her arms.

The reality is that life is raw and unpredictable.

There’s no one more perfect to me than the ones who walk bravely in their imperfection.

There’s no house I’d rather be in than the one where real people live. The ones where there are messes, dirty laundry, true stories, laughter, and tears. I will take my friends with all of it, and a glass of wine on the side.

There’s no greater gift than to be invited into another person’s truth.

So please don’t think when you don’t pretend it doesn’t matter to people. It really matters. It changes the status quo and it reminds all of us that we are alright and that messes can be beautiful.

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Maybe just maybe, our kids will learn not to pretend too. Maybe just maybe, they will come to us when they’ve failed and made epic mistakes. Maybe instead of hiding and lying they will share their tears and share their struggle with us, like we’ve shared our struggle with others.

All we can offer our kids, our friends, our partners, our world, is ourselves. The truest, rawest, most honest version is the most powerful one (whether we feel that’s true or not). When we stop pretending we are are one step freer, and when we stop pretending we free others to do the same.

Our kids, our families, our friends, don’t need a Pinterest worthy living room (although those are nice), they don’t need socks that match every day, or someone who never ugly cries. They need us.

So while I was thinking it would be cool to have kids dressed like miniature fashionistas instead of children who rolled out of a Goodwill bin…those days will be few and far between.

I’m okay with people seeing that this mama is a hot mess.

It makes it easier for my tribe to find me and I firmly believe…

I’m enough as I am, and you are too.

***

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17 thoughts on “Dear Hot Mess Mom: To me you are perfect.

  1. Shardai

    I’ve Just had my third child. I have 3 boys; one is 6,4 and 3 months old. I’m currently trying to be consistent with bedtime with my kids. But we’re always almost late to school everyday. I don’t think I’ve showered in like 3 days. Anywho I just started reading your post and they give me hope that I’ll find my trip someday. Thanks.

  2. gooselakegirl

    Pinterest worthy living rooms scare me. Someone in my family will surely be the destructor of the beauty via a spill or excitement induced quick movement. I fly my hot mess mom flag high with pride (most of the time – the current state of my own living room has reached “embarrassing” even for me)!

  3. DJA

    With social media it’s easy to “paint” a picture that life with kids is sunshine and cotton candy. Thanks for showing us the “raw” moments of parenthood can be claimed and good too!

  4. rnmontoya

    Incredible post. Nothing more beautiful than honesty in the raw. Thank you for putting this out there for all of us messy moms trying to figure it all out!

  5. beauty4ashes247

    Thank you for sharing! Having had 5 miscarriages, years of infertility, 1 rainbow baby, and 1 rainbow baby on the way….been there! Hugs. Not enough women are speaking about this so called taboo topic. Thanks for speaking. Would you ever so humbly consider following me so that we can help each other spread hope to women? Thanks in advance!

  6. Pingback: Dear Hot Mess Mom: To Me You Are Perfect – Her View From Home

  7. Yezika Victoria Van Gent

    Dear Jess, thank you for this super honest and thoughtful and characterful post, is characterful a real word? In Dutch is it.anyway, I was wondering if you have done editing work in the past. Could you contact me? Thanks,
    Yezika
    PS. You’re living my dream with your 4 beautiful children, go big or go home, right? Maybe youll swing by Amsterdam on your tour and we can meet up 🙂

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