Dear Son, You’ll always be my little boy,

Dear Son,

Today I wish I could go back. I wish I could go back and hold you as an infant. I wish I could smell your skin and rock you just a little longer. I wish I could be still and feel that moment just one more time.

When I look at pictures of you in your toddler years with your round cheeks and pudgy hands, I smile. Inside my heart breaks a little bit because I wish I could squeeze you as you ask me a billion questions in your tiny voice, just one more time.

You’re laying on the couch next to me with your giant feet protruding under a fleece blanket and a book in your hands. How and where has this time gone, I think. I can remember when you were just a whisper and a glimmer of a dream. And here you are, this giant boy that will be a man when I blink just a few more times.

You’ve become gifted in the art of rolling your eyes when you disagree, and saying “Mom, just listen to me for a second…”. I’m not always good at listening; I know that. We don’t always agree and sometimes I don’t handle our disagreements very well; I’m working on that.

But no matter what, you’re still my little boy. Even though your hands are bigger than mine; even though I can smell you coming with this brand new gift of B.O; you’re still my little boy.

You’ll be my little boy forever.

When I look back at those days when you were just a dream in my heart or a nine pound baby in my arms…I had no idea. I had no idea the incredible young man you would become. I had no idea how my heart would stretch and grow with every day of being your mom.

I had no idea how proud or in love I would be.

Being your mom has been so much messier than I anticipated. I’ve made so many more mistakes than I thought I would, but I’ve never been more proud of anything I’ve done in my entire life. You have taught me what it is to truly love.

You just got up from your reading and did a little dab and floss when I told you could grab out the video games. I wish I could go back, but I wouldn’t want to miss a second of watching you right now. Raising you has been so much more stretching, but so much better than I ever thought it would be.

No matter how old you get I will always be twenty-one years ahead. It isn’t much, and as you get older it will seem like less, but I will always be your Mama and you will always be my boy. These arms are here for squeezing you; these ears are here for listening to you; and this heart will hold you forever and a day.

Seeing the young man you are is the best, most precious gift I never could have dreamt up.

Sometimes I wish I could go back; but son, you’ll always be my little boy, today and every day.

Love,

Mama

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8 thoughts on “Dear Son, You’ll always be my little boy,

  1. Catherine Burrell

    Wow Jess, you never fail to impress! You have such a beautiful way with words, spoken from your heart yet as if you are able to read my thoughts and feelings. I know I am not the only person that will feel this way about your writing. As if by magic, they appear at ‘just the right time’. Much love for wonderoak, you give hope and inspiration to so many readers, even if you realise it or not. Happy holidays 🙂

  2. laura A Powell

    Jess, You capture the heart of all mama’s and their boys. I look at my sons and still see them as my boys. I love them as men but cherish the little boys in my heart. Parenting IS messy. You got that right. It’s thank-less at times and can be heartbreaking…but, I would not trade one moment as a mom over anything else in the world.

  3. Peggy

    I. Never had a son,only daighters, but makes me think of them when they were just little girls. Thank you.

  4. Jen

    This is beautiful.
    I can’t help but wonder, are you prepared to let him go and be the husband he is meant to be, so that his wife can have a husband she deserves?

  5. wonderoak

    This is a heartfelt letter of the inside turmoil of watching my son get older. Every stage will require more letting go, but in my heart he will always be my little boy. I don’t plan on having an unhealthy codependent relationship when he’s married lol, if that’s what you mean.

  6. Melina

    I have 21 years between me and my little boy .. Well, I say little boy. He’s just turned 19. He’s moved out of home to live with his girlfriend at her parents’ house while he attends university. It’s hard. It’s heartbreaking. It’s lonely. It’s incredibly special and amazing and an absolute honour to call myself the mama of this beautiful little boy, this incredible young man. I have nothing but pride and love when I see the adult he has become .. And yet I still wish for those days when I could hold him in my arms, when I was his whole world.
    Trying not to let the tears of nostalgia fall, every bit as much as the tears of pride.
    Thank you.

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