Sometimes when I don’t know someone and I see them wearing makeup, I kind of assume that they are also good at everything else, like cooking and having a clean bathroom for example. Their children probably worship them while arguing over who gets to fold the laundry and take out the trash. So, incase you’ve seen me wear makeup, I want to set the record straight.
I am not a Super-Mom, and these are my confessions:
I love screens and I love screen time. Possibly more than my children love them. If Netflix or Amazon Prime were people I would want to marry them. I hide this love, just like I hide my love for those tacos from Taco Bell with the cheesy Dorito flavored shells on them, or how I binge watched Sister Wives that one time. There’s some things you just don’t share.
I usually engage in conversations about the impending doom caused by iPads with a solemn head shake, but my inside voice says, Girl, you’re good, Wild Kratts is educational.
Sometimes everything feels chaotic and fast, like a whirlwind we can’t stop. Time is flying by and I forget to really see you.
When I stop and I notice, I see the etching of life, the processes that have made you older, stronger, and wiser. You are the same as when we married, but you’re different too. We’ve grown up together.
I am proud of who you are and who you’ve become.
Usually when we travel together everything runs like a well oiled machine.
If you oiled a 1950’s tractor with urine. We are a very slow moving machine that smells like pee, is what I’m trying to say.
It is a longstanding tradition in my family to create stressful family vacations. My grandpa used to pile us all in a motorhome so that he and my dad could argue over traffic laws for five days straight. I have fond memories of driving down the L.A. freeway in a giant monstrosity of a bus, while people sped by flipping us the bird.
When we stepped off the airplane we were hit with a wave of humidity. Instantly my face felt ten years younger, thank you, Thailand. I haven’t visited this part of the world since I was in my teens, and a flood of memories came rushing back.
When I came the first time I was at one of the lowest points of my life. I waged war with a vicious eating disorder, and more importantly, I waged war with myself. You cannot isolate one area of your life to numb. If you numb your appetite, it numbs every part of your soul, and most especially it numbs your joy.
It was not just my frame that was skeletal.
As we travel you will see many different things. You will see beautiful things, you will see hard things, you will see happy things, and you will see things that will forever leave you changed. That’s a good thing my love. I hope you meet the world, that you come to know it as your friend, and that you learn to love it with your whole heart.
I hope that no matter what you see, that you never stop opening your eyes wide with wonder.
They say that family dinners around the table are very important. I completely agree. Mostly because it’s character building. It’s very important to learn how to feed people that do not want to be fed, while attempting to have meaningful conversation. It’s kind of like highschool math…it’s unclear HOW this is going to help you in your future, but it will.
I guess It teaches patience. At least I’m assuming that’s what it does, it hasn’t worked on me yet, but we are all awaiting this gift with eager expectation.
Sometimes on Mother’s Day I find myself reflecting on how I’m doing as a Mom, and today, these are my thoughts…
We are never going to be perfect. Sometimes we are going to be messy, and human, and moody.
Sometimes we are going to feel real shitty at this. That’s normal I think.
Sometimes we are going to lose our cool. Like when I held the tablet out the car window and threatened to let it break into one million pieces if EVERYONE DIDN’T LISTEN UP RIGHT NOW. I scared them so badly that then I spent 45 minutes comforting them.
I’m going to call this bonding.
I like to think of myself as fun and relaxed, as brave with a touch of crazy. I’m the one who loves to laugh and awkwardly dance in public, the one who jumped off the cliff first and who shaved her head because she felt like it. I’m the one who traveled across the world alone.
So naturally, I thought I was going to be a really fun parent. A free spirit, spontaneous and unconcerned with dirt or danger. I’d probably raise kids who were sponsored by Red Bull they’d be so fearless and capable.
When traveling it’s easy to focus on the adventures we will have and the things we will see. I dream about the glow worm caves in New Zealand, I envision long hikes up peaks with stunning 360 degree views. I picture the togetherness we will feel around late night campfires.
Also…in those dreams no one has a bad attitude or a headache and someone is playing classical guitar in the background. NBD.
As I’ve travelled with kids I have found, that the adventure is great…but only if we take care of a few basic things first.
In our single years, we trekked across the world unrestrained. We didn’t hold sleeping babies until our arms cramped up. We didn’t weather a toddler’s tantrum while one of us was pulled aside by the TSA for inspection. People didn’t glance at us getting on the plane trying to hide their fear that our seats would be close by. We didn’t fill our pockets with Juicy Fruit gum, or collapse a stroller at the gate.