Dear Kids, Even though I fail…

Dear Kids,

As a mom, I fail often. I fail more often than I’d like to admit. I don’t think I make it through one single day without snapping about something I regret, but I love you with my whole heart. I hope you know that.

I hope that my love settles deep into your bones; and even though I don’t always get it right, I hope you know in your core that I would give up everything for you. I hope you know that I would take on the world for you. I hope you know that when I look in your eyes, I see my moon and my stars.

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Dear Kids, When you look for love…

Dear Kids,

Sometimes I ask you if there are any crushes in your life. You predictably roll your eyes and scoff at me, “MOM, NO!”

I grin at you, “Okay well, let me know.”

You probably won’t let me know anytime soon, but someday I hope you do.

I hope you know I’m a safe place when it comes time to process crushes, awkward dates, and heartbreaks. I promise to listen more than I talk. I promise to be your ally, your confidant, and your friend.

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Friendship requires sacrifice.

Friendship requires sacrifice.

There, I said it.

I have met and talked to a lot of lonely people lately, and let me tell you it breaks my heart because I remember those days like I remember the smell of burnt popcorn. That memory is never going away, and when I think about it the ache it throbs like it was yesterday.

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You’re a Motherflippingchampion.

“Don’t compare.” I say to myself as I make reluctant eye contact with a mom at school drop off with brushed hair and a smile that makes me feel like I need to go back to bed. “Morning,” I say as my kids fall out the door with mismatched socks and a rough case of bedhead. I reach over the seat and snag a rogue candy wrapper that flutters to the ground in the wind of their exit.

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Dear Mama, On the Hard Days…

I remember driving home from the grocery store with tears streaming down my face because my two boys under three were screaming at the top of their lungs. The baby was screaming to be nursed, and the other one was screaming because I wouldn’t let him buy the red stress ball or the Milky Way he found in the checkout line.

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Am I doing the right thing? My biggest motherhood struggle.

Am I doing the right thing?

Those are the words that hit me after I’ve had a difficult parenting moment, and when I lay in bed staring into the darkness mulling it over and over again.¬†

It is like a physical pain in my heart when I think about my kids. Am I doing this well? Did I choose right? Was I too harsh? Did I let them manipulate me? Was I too lenient? Did I give them what they needed not just for now, but also for long term wholeness?

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7 Lies I Believed That Kept me From Friendship

There are very few things in life I’m interested in doing alone. One of them is probably showering (I do not want to share my hot water), and the other one is pooping, but even then we can still text. In fact, my most profound and witty texts are brought to you by my toilet seat.

What I know for sure is that there’s no way in hell that I want to do motherhood alone. That’s a great way for me to go completely nutso. I can either cope with a latte and a heart to heart conversation, or 400 new throw pillows from Amazon, and one can only own so many throw pillows (or so my husband says).

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When the holidays are hard…I see you.

To my friends who suffer during the holidays…

I see you.

To the ones that have lost someone and the holidays aggravate an already gaping wound…

I see you.

To the ones who have to share their kids with another home and the days without them are long and empty…

I see you.

To the ones who are lonely…

I see you.

To the ones that have broken family relationships and their hearts ache…

I see you.

To the ones that have a loved one in the hospital…

I see you.

To the ones that don’t know how or if they’ll be able to put presents under the tree this year…

I see you.

I hope and pray that the sweet moments are more than the painful ones.

I hope and pray your home is filled with warmth on the very worst and hardest days.

I hope and pray you don’t for one second feel alone.

 

Photo by Jeswin Thomas

Dear Kids, You are always enough…

Dear Kids,

Your eyes were strained and wet with tears that you quickly blinked away. You cleared your throat and pretended to be okay. You were not okay. I knew it and you knew it, but I’d already asked you so I didn’t press. The weight of the world seemed to be on your eleven-year-old shoulders and my Mama heart broke at my inability to fix it. I wished I could make it disappear. You were stressed about a test, stressed about a homework assignment, stressed about stress.

My love, listen to me: you are enough. Every day you are enough. If you bomb that test, if you never complete that assignment, if you fail at every little thing, you are enough.¬†Even if you make a mistake that’s so big it seems like it might swallow you whole; you are enough.

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13 Free (or really cheap) Ways to Make Christmas Magical

My goal this Christmas is to simplify. Every year despite my best efforts, I embrace a certain level of “Christmas anxiety”. There’s a reason Christmas is magical, and that reason is moms and dads. I live for the moment they all walk out of their rooms with sleepy eyes full of wonder at presents piled under the tree. I LOVE CHRISTMAS, but sometimes I embrace Christmas frenzy instead of Christmas spirit.

I’ll be honest, my “frenzy” isn’t really magical for anyone, least of all my husband.

My goal is to slow down, spend less, do less, and enjoy more.

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