Dear Hot Mess Mom: To me you are perfect.

It’s tempting to pretend that there aren’t ritz crackers hidden deep inside my shag carpet, along with some other things I probably don’t want to know about. It’s tempting to pretend my four-year-old doesn’t rock the same “favorite” dress three days in a row, and that I don’t currently smell like men’s Old Spice deodorant. Sometimes I’d rather my life looked like a Instagram feed of awesome. I’d also rather my butt looked like a bubble instead of a wide pancake, but we all have to live our truth.

The thing I’ve noticed is that when I don’t pretend, I find my people (the ones who don’t pretend either), and to me that reward is everything. Literally everything.

So to the women, the moms, the people, who don’t pretend…


Thank you for your bravery.

There is no one more beautiful to me than you.

There’s no one more beautiful to me than my friend with a messy bun on top of her head, a kitchen sink overflowing with dishes, a screaming baby on her hip, and a struggle she’s in the middle of.

There’s no one more beautiful to me than my friend who walked through a terrible miscarriage open and vulnerably, and is now holding her rainbow baby in her arms.

The reality is that life is raw and unpredictable.

There’s no one more perfect to me than the ones who walk bravely in their imperfection.

There’s no house I’d rather be in than the one where real people live. The ones where there are messes, dirty laundry, true stories, laughter, and tears. I will take my friends with all of it, and a glass of wine on the side.

There’s no greater gift than to be invited into another person’s truth.

So please don’t think when you don’t pretend it doesn’t matter to people. It really matters. It changes the status quo and it reminds all of us that we are alright and that messes can be beautiful.

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Maybe just maybe, our kids will learn not to pretend too. Maybe just maybe, they will come to us when they’ve failed and made epic mistakes. Maybe instead of hiding and lying they will share their tears and share their struggle with us, like we’ve shared our struggle with others.

All we can offer our kids, our friends, our partners, our world, is ourselves. The truest, rawest, most honest version is the most powerful one (whether we feel that’s true or not). When we stop pretending we are are one step freer, and when we stop pretending we free others to do the same.

Our kids, our families, our friends, don’t need a Pinterest worthy living room (although those are nice), they don’t need socks that match every day, or someone who never ugly cries. They need us.

So while I was thinking it would be cool to have kids dressed like miniature fashionistas instead of children who rolled out of a Goodwill bin…those days will be few and far between.

I’m okay with people seeing that this mama is a hot mess.

It makes it easier for my tribe to find me and I firmly believe…

I’m enough as I am, and you are too.


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Sister, I am with you is a message of solidarity between moms and women. It says I AM FOR you no matter what.

I don’t care if your house looks like the bottom of a cereal box. I don’t care if you’re makeup is fresh or three days old. I don’t care if you smile a lot, cry a lot, or yell a lot. I don’t care if you breastfeed or bottle feed, or if you like a glass of whiskey at the end of a long day. I don’t care if motherhood fits you like a glove or like a too-tight pair of pants that ride up the nether regions. I don’t care if you house smells like lavender or dirty diapers. I don’t care if you stay at home or have a full-time job. I don’t care if you’re keto or paleo or eat a lot of frozen pizza and carrot sticks.

I AM FOR YOU. Sister, I am with you.

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17 responses to “Dear Hot Mess Mom: To me you are perfect.”

  1. Thank you for giving us other “hot mess mom” bravery to let go and be who they are. Great post!

  2. Awe thank you!

  3. Thanks for sharing. Beautiful post indeed.

  4. I’ve Just had my third child. I have 3 boys; one is 6,4 and 3 months old. I’m currently trying to be consistent with bedtime with my kids. But we’re always almost late to school everyday. I don’t think I’ve showered in like 3 days. Anywho I just started reading your post and they give me hope that I’ll find my trip someday. Thanks.

  5. Kids are currently running out the door late as we speak haha.

  6. Pinterest worthy living rooms scare me. Someone in my family will surely be the destructor of the beauty via a spill or excitement induced quick movement. I fly my hot mess mom flag high with pride (most of the time – the current state of my own living room has reached “embarrassing” even for me)!

  7. I recently started following you, I’m super new to blogging and I just love everything you post! Keep it up ❤️

  8. With social media it’s easy to “paint” a picture that life with kids is sunshine and cotton candy. Thanks for showing us the “raw” moments of parenthood can be claimed and good too!

  9. Yasssss!

    Goodwill bin! lol

  10. Look up ‘Mummy Guilt’ on Facebook. There you will find my mess xxxxx

  11. Incredible post. Nothing more beautiful than honesty in the raw. Thank you for putting this out there for all of us messy moms trying to figure it all out!

  12. I love your blog! I started mine just like you, looking for my tribe!!

  13. Thank you for sharing! Having had 5 miscarriages, years of infertility, 1 rainbow baby, and 1 rainbow baby on the way….been there! Hugs. Not enough women are speaking about this so called taboo topic. Thanks for speaking. Would you ever so humbly consider following me so that we can help each other spread hope to women? Thanks in advance!

  14. […] This article originally appeared on Wonderoak […]

  15. This is exactly how I’ve been feeling lately. I enjoy reading your posts.

  16. Thank you for this! Blogging has helped me stop pretending and to just put real life out there. It’s wonderful to read about other people on similar journeys.

  17. Yezika Victoria Van Gent Avatar
    Yezika Victoria Van Gent

    Dear Jess, thank you for this super honest and thoughtful and characterful post, is characterful a real word? In Dutch is it.anyway, I was wondering if you have done editing work in the past. Could you contact me? Thanks,
    PS. You’re living my dream with your 4 beautiful children, go big or go home, right? Maybe youll swing by Amsterdam on your tour and we can meet up 🙂

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