It is the beginning of our much anticipated summer together. I have reviewed last years happenings and I have decided to resign from several positions. The positions are as follows: Toilet-Flusher, Sock-Finder, Snack-Maker, and someone to explain (every.single.night.) why the sun is still up at bedtime. Please submit your applications accordingly.
Also, from now on, when I hear bickering I will hide under my bed and listen to Flo Rida until it is over.
So far, you have been surpassing my expectations at being kids. You are excellent at lemonade drinking and ice-cream eating and have the expected heart-attack like reactions to things like cleaning rooms and eating foreign vegetables. You each contain the energy of 17 adults, and can jump on the trampoline with a vigor that makes me have to use the restroom just from watching.
So far, I am very impressed. Good job being kids.
Since we will have 65 more days together, I thought that I would take this time to give you your child-evaluations.
Position: Oldest Child
You excel at being a son. In fact, next Tuesday I’m going to let you take over my position while I follow you around asking what we are doing today and if I can use the kindle.
Something to work on:
Pestering me about things like “being on time”. You can’t rush this. Also, there’s a certain three year old who’s currently in the shoe closet throwing a tantrum about a bandaid…you should probably go talk to her about time. That will be very productive for both of you.
Meanwhile, I’m going to go pour myself a big gulp of coffee and put on pants. Pretty sure I’m going to need both of those.
Position: Middle Child
You are so cool. Cool as ice. You are all relaxed with your inside out Hawaiian shirt. I’m not even sure how you did that with all those buttons, but I feel very optimistic about your future in engineering.
Something to work on:
Bringing your shoes to all places. YES you do need shoes. ALWAYS. Remember those times when we got to the grocery store and you said, “No-one told me I needed shoes”? Well, I’m going to go ahead and hand off that torch to you. I will no longer be informing you whether you need shoes, pants, or arms for where we are going.
Bring all those things. Every. Time. Capiche?
Position: Oldest Girl
You are good at dancing and singing. I didn’t really know that musicals could be real until I met you. You are also extremely good at art, next time please refrain from hanging it on the walls with stick glue.
Thing to work on:
Sitting still. Is your spirit animal a hummingbird? Are you worried the zombies are coming? I just want to remember what your face looks like when you are not moving.
Your cuteness is definitely working for you.
Otherwise, due to excessive tantrums and not really being a team-player, we would probably have to send you to toddler summer camp.
Things to work on:
You know when you were sobbing that you wanted to go swimming, and I was all, “We are going swimming.” And you kept crying?
What was that?
Also, you are cutoff from the bandaids.
I’d like to take this time to again thank you for being children of the Johnston household. Feel free to send any mom-complaints you have to Santa Claus, maybe he can come .
Yours forever and forever,