8 Truths to Combat Negative Self Talk

I don’t know about you, but sometimes the negative self talk sneaks up on me. It hits my subconscious before my conscious thoughts. It might start with a sigh when I button my pantts I need to eat less, I need to workout more. It might be when I look at the floor covered in dust bunnies and sandwich crumbs, my house is always disgusting, what is my problem?

It doesn’t matter where it starts, but it always has a common thread. The message is:

Do more. Be more.


You aren’t okay just how you are. Other people are okay how they are, but you’re not.

The last week has been like that for me. The stress below the surface has been building like a pent up hurricane. I don’t like to dwell on it, so I push it down, but sometimes I need to stop and address it. I don’t know where it comes from, or why it is, but it sneaks up and distracts me from everything that is actually important.


Here are my self reminders for the day. These are truths I want to live by, but it is a work in progress. Some days are better than others:

I am not what I “do”. I am not defined or valued by my accomplishments. I am not more or less “successful” if my sink is full of dishes or if I exercised today.

It is a lie that my body has to be “perfect” or skinnier or anything other than it is. I will never have the body of a supermodel and I will waste no more energy or time trying to serve a standard of “body perfection”. I will always have cellulite on my butt. Always and forever. It’s lives here now. Part of loving myself is loving my dimples, my not very toned arms, and my aging skin, because they’re all here to stay.

It’s silly, but I’m not defined by what I own. I don’t need “more” for things to be better. I’m good. I have what I need and I am good.

I will never be a perfect mom. I’m never going to stop making mistakes EVER, so I should settle in here and enjoy this messy life. I’m going to keep apologizing and keep trying my best and that is all. I’m not a perfect mom, but I am a good mom. No one can help me believe that, but me. I am a good mom. 

I cannot control things that I have no control over. It’s like I think if I’m worrying I’m doing “something” to solve the problem, but I’m not. I can only do what I can do and then I have to let that shit go.

The goal is not to “arrive”. I’m not going to wake up one morning without anymore struggles or things to improve. I am just me on a journey towards wholeness and whole-hearted living. I’m going to be somewhere on that journey for the rest of my life.

I’m better as a part of my community of friends and family than I am on my own. When I’m struggling my instinct is to pull away so that they won’t see me weak or grumpy or bummed out, but the truth is being with the people that love me pulls me out of my funk.  I am so grateful for the people that take me as I am.

I don’t love all the things about me, but I do love a lot of things. I’m more comfortable in my skin than I’ve ever been. I would never go back ten years ago if I could because that girl was so much less free than I am today.

I am enough, just as I am…so are you.

So, friends, I don’t know if you ever have a day when the negative self talk hits hard, but I challenge you to make a list of truths.

What are your truths today?


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5 responses to “8 Truths to Combat Negative Self Talk”

  1. I needed to read this today, and perhaps every day.
    “You aren’t okay just how you are. Other people are okay how they are, but you’re not.” I thought I was the only one with that attitude.
    Thank you very much for this article. Your last point of not going back because of freedom now is something I know, and yet I beat myself black and blue all the time.
    Comforting article. Thanks again.

  2. These are great truths to live by. With so much going in the world and how it tries to influence every part of lives, we have to hold to something. It needs to be truth that will help us to keep sane, not go insane.

  3. Bless you! I sensed you were struggling lately by your posts. I struggle too. I have more defeated days than dancing days but you know what….. for the first time in forever me and my two daughters (2&5) stayed up half an hour late for bedtime and danced like mad in the hallway! Rihanna Umberella, and Rend Collective. It really helped me to let off steam and enjoy my little life for a moment. We decided that every Saturday evening was going to be dancing/ party night. Music & dancing with my children is healing & uplifting. I pray you find some release in this tense existence that family life often is xx Beth

  4. In essence, these feelings we have of wanting to do more can be good if we channel them correctly to push us to be our best instead of letting them drag us down. Sending you a hug, from one mom to another!

  5. really love this article. thank you for this reminder

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