I have raised four threenagers. The first one was a kleptomaniac. The second one was a nudist with a rage problem. The third one was a tiny dictator. The fourth one is not out of the woods yet.
When I discovered my first one had a problem with stuffing his backpack with other people’s baby monitors and sound machines, I realized that I had failed as a mother. First step Sophie the Giraffe…next step diamond heist. I was plagued with visions of visiting him in his orange prison uniform.
Turns out being three is not permanent. I don’t usually find iphones and name brand sneakers in my nine-year-old’s backpack. So, hang in there parents.
I have a very exciting announcement I’ve been dying to tell you all!!
On April 8th we are leaving for a 4-5 month trip around the world. Our stops will include the Cook Islands, New Zealand, Australia, Southeast Asia, and Europe. In case you are wondering I AM FREAKING OUT WITH EXCITEMENT!!!!!
Through the blog and our brand new company Wylder Pursuits we have been able to make connections and gain sponsorships for our trip. (To discuss working together, email firstname.lastname@example.org for more information.)
When we first got married I was so excited to do EVERYTHING together. I couldn’t wait. I worked at a coffee shop and I told a friend of mine that I was even going to start working with Graham (as a self-employed window washer). “This is a terrible idea.” he said.
I’m not sure if it was my inability to clean things, or the fact that I wanted to spend 24 hours a day with only one person that tipped him off.
Now before I start this, let me just tell you, I’ve been running for 3 months. I am similar to that lady who ranted on Facebook about how parenting isn’t an excuse to not shower and have crumbs under the couch– and she has exactly one 2-week-old infant. We’ve all been collectively giggling while we sip our wine, and fist bumping thinking of toddlers running through Cheerrios on her freshly vacuumed carpet. I was thinking of emailing her to see if she could come shave my legs for me.
Years ago, I had the privilege of traveling to South Africa. The highlight of my trip was the period of time I got to stay in Bottlebrush, an informal settlement where the rates of sickness and HIV were astronomical. There I met the most beautiful girl, Monica (her english name). She was a little younger than me at the time. She was the happiest, most joy filled person I’d ever met with a contagious twinkle in her eyes. She had dreams of becoming a doctor and she would have been an amazing one, but a couple months after our trip we received word that she had passed away from preventable disease.
Dear First Born,
I remember the day I first held you in my arms. You became, and I also became. I’d thought about motherhood for a long time, about how I’d be and how you’d be. But I was still so unprepared. Heaven and Earth kissed for a moment and I’d never felt so sure and so uncertain all at the same time.
I know you think I wear yoga pants and athletic-T’s because I spend my days doing pilates while my kids practice Mozart on their harmonicas. But, I’m here to tell you, I wear them because they’re stretchy.
I’m so excited that my newest piece “Why first time moms can have it the hardest” was published on Mother.ly today!!
“I sort of thought I would have a magic infusion of motherly wisdom when I gave birth to Malachi. Instead, becoming a parent was like an episode of Survivor. An episode of survivor where my boobs were on fire and my teammate didn’t speak English.”
As a mom of four, I salute the moms who have one. Sister, it’s not easy…I remember.
Check it out!
WHY FIRST TIME MOMS CAN HAVE IT THE HARDEST
Hey everyone! It’s #failfriday. Share your best and most recent fail, if you dare. Keeping’ it real…here’s mine…
Recently I noticed an abnormal amount of flames and smoke pouring out of the barbecue I’d just lit. I opened the lid to find a small bon fire perfect for roasting marshmallows and also all of our tongs and spatulas. All I could think was, ‘I don’t think this is allowed in stage 2 fire restrictions!’ 😂😂😂 We had friends over who were laughing so hard they were crying. It had been a stressful day, so I was only crying. Which is unfortunate, because it meant I didn’t take any pictures #regrets…