I am with you.
I was with you when you were in my belly. I was swollen, heavy, tired, and I felt like a moose, but I was with you.
I was with you in the seconds, the minutes, and the hours of labor, when I truly didn’t think I could go on.
I was with you when I held you, and nursed you, and smelled your perfect skin for the very first time.
I was with you at 3am and again at 3:45. I was with you when I stumbled in the dark to get you from your crib. I was with you when I bargained with God for you to sleep.
Friendship is the wine and the coffee for my soul. Doing motherhood without them is like watching a comedy alone (weird, gross, and not all that funny).
I don’t need the same kind of friends as I once did. I’m a lot less patient with barelyscratchthesurface small talk . I have enough mind-numbing conversations with my children (God love em). I need real in my life. I need friends that are real, and friends that I can be real around.
I am with you when the bills are built up and unpaid and when our shoulders are tense with stress and worry.
I am with you when the kids are up sick in the middle of the night, and we brush shoulders as we grab towels and bowls and stroke little warm foreheads.
I am with you in seasons of wealth and seasons of scraping by. I am with you whether we drive a 97 Honda Accord or a 2018 Suburban. I AM WITH YOU.
I was reminded today that when suffering from depression or anxiety it is important to set achievable goals. WELL THAT IS ME. SO, I have taken it upon myself to make some meaningful, achievable, goals for 2018. Feel free to steal.
3-4 glasses of wine a week at least (BECAUSE I AM NOT LAZY).
One day a week where I am still braless and pants-less when I pick up my kids from school. This is so I can keep expectations low and so I can make it easier for my mom tribe to find me. ***YOU WILL RECOGNIZE ME BY MY DIRTY HAIR AND H & M SWEAT PANTS. I WILL BE HOLDING A CRYING 4YO. INTRODUCE YOURSELF IF YOU LIKE COFFEE, WINE, AND DECORATIVE LAUNDRY PILES.
At 3:50 in the morning last Tuesday I was woken up by an alert on my phone. The rain pounded down so loud that I was shaking, but we were in a safe place and I finally went back to sleep. Because of the Thomas fire we’ve been getting these kind of alerts for a long time now and I had no idea of the terrible mudslide that was happening just seven miles from our house.
The next day I would learn of the horrible tragedy in Montecito.
It’s hard to grasp. I’ve read the stories and looked at the pictures, but I still can’t fathom it.
What if you are the best mom there is for your kids, what if I’m the best for mine?
What if we really believed that?
I remember when our first son was just a baby, I was talking to a seasoned mom of three. I was strung out on new mom anxiety and was stressing about everything from nursing schedules, to mysterious skin rashes. She looked at me kindly, “Ya know, it seems like you’re really worried about doing things the ‘right way’, but parenting isn’t that complicated. You don’t need to read every book there is, trust your gut, love them, you aren’t going to mess this up.”
I remember nodding at her politely and thinking, ARE YOU INSANE??? I AM NOT TO BE TRUSTED!! I CANNOT EVEN KEEP MY CLOSET CLEAN OR REMEMBER TO SHAVE MY ARMPITS!
Dear Husband, Family Members, Santa, Friends,
In case you wondering what it is my heart desires…
1. A toddler play yard except I need it to be much bigger and taller. I don’t plan on keeping my kids in it, I plan on keeping my kids out. I will call it “Mommy’s personal space” or “Please don’t touch me right now”. I’m going to bring it to the playground because when I take my kids to the playground (imagine this) I want them to PLAY. I provide gas, and transportation, they must provide play. I want to sit on a bench and observe them at play. I want to feel the sun and drink my coffee while they are at play. What I do not want to do is talk about boredom or snacks.
I am the santa, the elves, and the magic.
I am the delicious smells, the stuffed bellies, and the Christmas spirit.
I am the twinkle lights, the clean bathrooms, and the mistletoe hanging in the doorway.
I am the stories, the advent calendars, and the reminding what Christmas is really about.
I am the greeting cards, I am the coordinator of grandparents and cousins, I am the christmas pajamas for the night before.
I am the traditions, I am the baker for school sales, I am the buyer of last minute presents that were forgotten.
And now I’m tired.
I am mom.
I love to shop. I love to go into beautiful stores and touch beautiful things. I have kids now though and it turns out they also like to touch things…all of the things. Each shopping trip starts full of hope that this time will somehow be “different”, but it always ends the same…with someone crying under a clothing rack next to a bag of spilled popcorn. Also they hardly ever offer me wine at the store. So, though I love shopping local, I also like shopping braless, pant-less, ALONE, and with a glass of red wine.
I recently partnered with Amazon and I get a small percentage of purchases when someone clicks through my site. I love amazon (not just saying that) and PRIME is the shiznit, especially when you’re a procrastinator like me. So here friends, is my first ever Christmas gift guide.