I have raised four threenagers. The first one was a kleptomaniac. The second one was a nudist with a rage problem. The third one was a tiny dictator. The fourth one is not out of the woods yet.
When I discovered my first one had a problem with stuffing his backpack with other people’s baby monitors and sound machines, I realized that I had failed as a mother. First step Sophie the Giraffe…next step diamond heist. I was plagued with visions of visiting him in his orange prison uniform.
Turns out being three is not permanent. I don’t usually find iphones and name brand sneakers in my nine-year-old’s backpack. So, hang in there parents.
I have a very exciting announcement I’ve been dying to tell you all!!
On April 8th we are leaving for a 4-5 month trip around the world. Our stops will include New Zealand, Australia, the Philippines, Southeast Asia, and Europe. In case you are wondering I AM FREAKING OUT WITH EXCITEMENT!!!!!
I am going to eat all the food, meet all the people, drink all the drinks, and see all the things.
When we first got married I was so excited to do EVERYTHING together. I couldn’t wait. I worked at a coffee shop and I told a friend of mine that I was even going to start working with Graham (as a self-employed window washer). “This is a terrible idea.” he said.
I’m not sure if it was my inability to clean things, or the fact that I wanted to spend 24 hours a day with only one person that tipped him off.
Now before I start this, let me just tell you, I’ve been running for 3 months. I am similar to that lady who ranted on Facebook about how parenting isn’t an excuse to not shower and have crumbs under the couch– and she has exactly one 2-week-old infant. We’ve all been collectively giggling while we sip our wine, and fist bumping thinking of toddlers running through Cheerrios on her freshly vacuumed carpet. I was thinking of emailing her to see if she could come shave my legs for me.
Years ago, I had the privilege of traveling to South Africa. The highlight of my trip was the period of time I got to stay in Bottlebrush, an informal settlement where the rates of sickness and HIV were astronomical. There I met the most beautiful girl, Monica (her english name). She was a little younger than me at the time. She was the happiest, most joy filled person I’d ever met with a contagious twinkle in her eyes. She had dreams of becoming a doctor and she would have been an amazing one, but a couple months after our trip we received word that she had passed away from preventable disease.
Dear First Born,
I remember the day I first held you in my arms. You became, and I also became. I’d thought about motherhood for a long time, about how I’d be and how you’d be. But I was still so unprepared. Heaven and Earth kissed for a moment and I’d never felt so sure and so uncertain all at the same time.
I know you think I wear yoga pants and athletic-T’s because I spend my days doing pilates while my kids practice Mozart on their harmonicas. But, I’m here to tell you, I wear them because they’re stretchy.
I’m so excited that my newest piece “Why first time moms can have it the hardest” was published on Mother.ly today!!
“I sort of thought I would have a magic infusion of motherly wisdom when I gave birth to Malachi. Instead, becoming a parent was like an episode of Survivor. An episode of survivor where my boobs were on fire and my teammate didn’t speak English.”
As a mom of four, I salute the moms who have one. Sister, it’s not easy…I remember.
Check it out!
WHY FIRST TIME MOMS CAN HAVE IT THE HARDEST
Hey everyone! It’s #failfriday. Share your best and most recent fail, if you dare. Keeping’ it real…here’s mine…
Recently I noticed an abnormal amount of flames and smoke pouring out of the barbecue I’d just lit. I opened the lid to find a small bon fire perfect for roasting marshmallows and also all of our tongs and spatulas. All I could think was, ‘I don’t think this is allowed in stage 2 fire restrictions!’ 😂😂😂 We had friends over who were laughing so hard they were crying. It had been a stressful day, so I was only crying. Which is unfortunate, because it meant I didn’t take any pictures #regrets…