You are not a failure.
I know you don’t always believe that, but it’s true.
We all fail, all of us, but we are not failures.
There have been so many moments when I felt done, when I wanted to run outside and scream. So many moments when I knew I said the wrong thing the second the words came out of my mouth.
I’ve made lots of mistakes, but I love my kids, and you do too. We love our kids unconditionally and we will keep showing up. We will keep putting them to bed at night and feeding them breakfast in the morning (even if it’s through a drive through). We will keep saying I love you and we will keep saying I’m sorry.
We are willing to make mistakes because we know we are the ones for the job.
We wonder, will they ever know how much we love them? Will they ever understand? The ache and joy that burns deep in our chest is impossible to express. We just keep getting up and listening to their stories and holding them tight. We get mad at them, we lecture them, we wonder if anyone has ever been as annoyed as we are right now with our child.
That’s what we do.
We do it and then we wonder if it’s enough, because there’s nothing that matters more to us than them.
The thing is…
It is IMPOSSIBLE to get every moment right. It’s impossible to enjoy every second, but you and I both know that our hearts will never ever change towards them. You and I know that we would walk through fire for them, that we would go to battle for them, that we would take their pain on ourselves in a second. You and I both know that’s the truth.
My friend, you are a good mom. You are a warrior, you are a goddess.
I see it.
They don’t understand it yet, but that’s okay. They don’t know how special, how sacred, how important, and how loved they are. They don’t know that when it matters we will show up. We will be there when they’re ten and they skin their knee, and we will be there when they’re thirty-two if they need a good cry.
We try to show them in the way we make them wear their helmets and go to bed at a decent hour. We try to show them in the way we serve them grilled veggies and salad greens. We try with bedtime songs and smothering them with I love yous, but most of it will be lost on them.
They can’t see all our love; they can’t understand it yet. They see it a little, but not like you and I do. Only you know the depth and the width and the strength of the love you have for them. I see it too, my friend. In only the way another mother can, I see it. I understand that this love binds your heart and soul and has made you another person entirely.
I see it and I want you to know, you are enough.
You have the piece that matters, I think.
So tonight as you go to sleep, remind yourself that you are truly amazing. You are not a failure, no matter your failures. This job is hard, it is dirty, it is misunderstood, and it is judged too harshly.
You are a good mom.
Your love is enough, and someday they’ll get it. Someday they will understand.
Maybe not until the day they hold their own babes, but still.
Our love is sacred. Our love gives them a safe place to grow from. Our love will move mountains for them.
I’m sure of it.