Confession: Anxiety is Exausting

I was reminded today that when suffering from depression or anxiety it is important to set achievable goals. WELL THAT IS ME. SO, I have taken it upon myself to make some meaningful, achievable, goals for 2018. Feel free to steal.

3-4 glasses of wine a week at least (BECAUSE I AM NOT LAZY).

One day a week where I am still braless and pants-less when I pick up my kids from school. This is so I can keep expectations low and so I can make it easier for my mom tribe to find me. ***YOU WILL RECOGNIZE ME BY MY DIRTY HAIR AND H & M SWEAT PANTS. I WILL BE HOLDING A CRYING 4YO. INTRODUCE YOURSELF IF YOU LIKE COFFEE, WINE, AND DECORATIVE LAUNDRY PILES.

Speaking of laundry…I commit to carrying the laundry pile from the dryer to my bed. This is all I can promise right now.

To finish the show I am currently binge watching. It will be tough, but I think I can see this through.

Kiss, hug, affirm, and threaten each child every day. It’s called balance. *Muah* *Squeeze* *I love you so much I want to bite your cheeks* *IF YOU DON’T START PUTTING YOUR SHOES AWAY I AM GOING TO THROW THEM IN THE GARBAGE*. I am going to to nail this one I can already tell.

Wear the same pants four days in a row. This one is important.

Find 3 inappropriate, but hilarious memes to text my friends and husband per week.

Keep taking my medication. This one isn’t a joke. I am grateful for medicine that has gotten my head above the water.

***

I’ve always had anxiety, I just didn’t always know what it was called. When I was  a little girl I’d lay awake in bed worrying about something that I said that day. I couldn’t turn it off. The thoughts would roll around and around like a hamster on a wheel.

I still didn’t know it was anxiety when I held my brand new babies. My heart felt like it was going to leap out of my throat with adrenaline. I was overwhelmed with the love I felt, and at the same time terrified of how much I loved, and how much I could lose. The world felt more scary and unsafe than ever.

Anxiety has always had a certain ebb and flow for me. There have been seasons where I was above it, and others where I felt like I was drowning.

During the times when I was completely overwhelmed, it quickly became my “normal”. It wasn’t until afterwards that I realized how NOT normal my torment was. It is not normal to be terrified. It is not normal to have all the joy squeezed out of life by fear.

Anxiety is exhausting, like really, really, exhausting.

Anxiety makes loud noises, spilt milk, destroyed living rooms, almost unbearable. It’s like all my senses are turned up on high and every disruption is like a slap in the face.

I know I’m not alone in my journey, and I want to encourage you if you can relate to have grace for yourself. The struggle is R. E. A. L.

To all my friends that suffer from any form of depression/anxiety, REMEMBER:

YOU ARE NOT ALONE.

I know it isn’t easy, but hang onto this: the sun will come up.

XOXO,

Jess

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36 thoughts on “Confession: Anxiety is Exausting

  1. Alisha

    Thank you! I, too, struggle with mental health & this is very! Relatable. Thank u for your humour with it as well;) it’s sooooo freaking REAL! Happy you shared. Your vulnerability is greatly appreciated:) xo

  2. Emily

    I just stumbled across your page a few days ago and I am so grateful I did! As for the first half of this post, all I can say is absolutely fabulous. And the second half, well, it spoke straight to my heart. Thank you for putting into words exactly what I have felt since being a little girl. And may grace be with you as well 🙂

  3. Maggie H-G

    Hi! *waves awkwardly* I’m Maggie, and I, too, love coffee, wine, and 4-day old pants. Let’s be friends and our crying 4 year olds can also be friends. *gives awkward thumbs up*

  4. Kristen@goodngoodforya

    I think I’ve had anxiety forever too. They didn’t diagnose it til I was an adult but I remember being way too young going over and over something I said or did or was considering saying. Like, kindergarten. Kindergarten…

  5. wonderoak

    Me too my friend. Don’t you want to go back to that little kindergartener and give her a big hug??

  6. Kristen@goodngoodforya

    Yes! Absolutely. And tell her (and myself at all the other stages til I figured it out) that no one else is really paying that close of attention. And if anyone does notice a mistake and catch it or make fun of it they’ll forget within a day or two.

  7. Dreaming It Together

    I absolutely love your goals for 2018, and I will try to meet some of those too! As for depression and anxiety I know how hard it is, and it is nice to know that I am not alone. Thank you!

  8. Margaret Sky

    My achievable goal for 2018 is to shave at least one leg, some of time when I shower. Because I DO SHOWER PEOPLE. Sometimes. When I can escape my newborn and toddler for all of 10 minutes. The goal is to shave at least one leg because twice in the last month or so I have been drying myself off when I realize I only shaved one leg. So I, like you, want my goals to be achievable. 😉 But for real, thanks for sharing an awesome and relatable post.

  9. Trace-Blogs

    Oh my goodness, thank you for this post. I used to lay in bed awake when I was six, worrying that my parents would die. Having anxiety for your whole life is exhausting. It’s wonderful your hubby is with you through it, mine never tried to understand. Great post x

  10. Zia Doyle

    These tips are great, lol! Sometimes I feel like I’m the only one in the world who suffers from anxiety as I look around at all the people who seem to have their shit together. Maybe they just excel at performing?! *shrugs* It can feel isolating at times. So thank you for this post. Wine sound good right about now! 🙂

  11. Beth

    Thanks for this, Jess…I am just down the road and am happy to help you with the 3-4 glasses of wine per day! You will have to wade through MY decorative piles of laundry that probably will never it make it my bed. EVER. I live for the weekends when I don’t have to put on a bra if I don’t want to. For some reason my workplace tends to frown on that.

  12. wonderoak

    Do you mean connected on WordPress? I recommend talking to there 24 hour chat! They’re super helpful. Sorry you’re struggling ❤️❤️❤️

  13. Imani

    Wow. For the first time I feel like someone actually understands my life lol, especially as a fellow mummy. Thank you for sharing this xxx

  14. howikilledbetty

    Great post … you’re right, it’s very real and very horrid! I’m tackling mine with a shovel right now and it seems to be doing the trick. You’ve got a follow in me! Thanks for sharing! Katie x

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