WONDEROAK

I was reminded today that when suffering from depression or anxiety it is important to set achievable goals. WELL THAT IS ME. SO, I have taken it upon myself to make some meaningful, achievable, goals for 2018. Feel free to steal.

3-4 glasses of wine a week at least (BECAUSE I AM NOT LAZY).

One day a week where I am still braless and pants-less when I pick up my kids from school. This is so I can keep expectations low and so I can make it easier for my mom tribe to find me. ***YOU WILL RECOGNIZE ME BY MY DIRTY HAIR AND H & M SWEAT PANTS. I WILL BE HOLDING A CRYING 4YO. INTRODUCE YOURSELF IF YOU LIKE COFFEE, WINE, AND DECORATIVE LAUNDRY PILES.

Speaking of laundry…I commit to carrying the laundry pile from the dryer to my bed. This is all I can promise right now.

To finish the show I am currently binge watching. It will be tough, but I think I can see this through.

Kiss, hug, affirm, and threaten each child every day. It’s called balance. *Muah* *Squeeze* *I love you so much I want to bite your cheeks* *IF YOU DON’T START PUTTING YOUR SHOES AWAY I AM GOING TO THROW THEM IN THE GARBAGE*. I am going to to nail this one I can already tell.

Wear the same pants four days in a row. This one is important.

Find 3 inappropriate, but hilarious memes to text my friends and husband per week.

Keep taking my medication. This one isn’t a joke. I am grateful for medicine that has gotten my head above the water.

***

I’ve always had anxiety, I just didn’t always know what it was called. When I was  a little girl I’d lay awake in bed worrying about something that I said that day. I couldn’t turn it off. The thoughts would roll around and around like a hamster on a wheel.

I still didn’t know it was anxiety when I held my brand new babies. My heart felt like it was going to leap out of my throat with adrenaline. I was overwhelmed with the love I felt, and at the same time terrified of how much I loved, and how much I could lose. The world felt more scary and unsafe than ever.

Anxiety has always had a certain ebb and flow for me. There have been seasons where I was above it, and others where I felt like I was drowning.

During the times when I was completely overwhelmed, it quickly became my “normal”. It wasn’t until afterwards that I realized how NOT normal my torment was. It is not normal to be terrified. It is not normal to have all the joy squeezed out of life by fear.

Anxiety is exhausting, like really, really, exhausting.

Anxiety makes loud noises, spilt milk, destroyed living rooms, almost unbearable. It’s like all my senses are turned up on high and every disruption is like a slap in the face.

I know I’m not alone in my journey, and I want to encourage you if you can relate to have grace for yourself. The struggle is R. E. A. L.

To all my friends that suffer from any form of depression/anxiety, REMEMBER:

YOU ARE NOT ALONE.

I know it isn’t easy, but hang onto this: the sun will come up.

XOXO,

Jess

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