Dear kids,
I’ve been annoyed at you lately.
I haven’t wanted you to see it, but I’m sure that you have.
I was annoyed when you had a melt down in a public place. Pull it together, I thought, why can’t we be past this awful stage??
I was annoyed at your bickering and your roughhousing and your kid-ness.
I was annoyed that the sixth glass broke this week.
I was annoyed that you asked for ANOTHER snack and that you sprinkled your toys like confetti all over the living room.
I was annoyed at the dirt and the noise and the chaos.
I was annoyed that I had to repeat myself over and over, and that you said my name ten times before I could answer.
…I’m so sorry I’ve been so annoyed. The problem has been with me, not with you.
The other day I heard someone speak. They said to figure out a gift you can give for the sake of love. The kind of gift that costs you everything. The kind of gift that is lavish and extravagant. I thought for a minute about what my gift might be, and then I thought of you.
I thought of you…and it changed everything.
What can I give you?
I can give you every minute (or hour) I’m late because you needed to tie your own shoes.
I can give you every ounce of embarrassment I feel when you have a tantrum in public. I can light my pride on fire for your sake, my love.
I can give you my patience when you need to be reminded of the same thing a hundred times in a day.
I can give you my deep breathes when the noise levels are out of control.
I can give twenty extra minutes sitting with you at the dinner table because you don’t want to eat three more bites.
I can give that, it is my joy to give you that.
I can be with you in your kid-ness, because these days are precious and numbered.
Kids, I forgot I was doing all this because of love.
I forgot that, and I’m so so sorry.
I love you with my whole heart and you are worth every inconvenience a thousand times again.
Love,
Mama
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