We’ve now been married twelve years. This means we walked down the aisle when neither of us could legally drink. It was okay though because Graham’s older siblings bought us wine coolers sometimes.
Our fights back then consisted of Graham falling asleep mid-sentence and me rage driving to Wendy’s for a middle of the night bacon cheese burger. Now if he goes to sleep before me I just make quesadillas in the microwave and watch Netflix because I am 32.
We’ve grown up together, and it has been my favorite adventure.
In honor of this milestone here are 8 of my best pieces of advice:
1. Get your own plate of nachos on date night. Otherwise it will be very stressful and like a eating race for the cheesy chips. You will become faster and faster because he is closing in on your side. Pretty soon all rules will be thrown out the window and you both will be eating off all sides of the plate like animals. In five minutes the whole thing will be gone and you won’t even know what you tasted, but you will feel like you are pregnant with a twelve pound food baby and you will still have an hour and a half before the babysitter has to leave.
2. ALSO ON DATE NIGHT: Don’t pick a fight with your wife before there is food on the table because then she will drink all of her drink really fast and now she is mad and also drunk.
3. Never forget you are on the same team and together you can take on the world (also sleepless nights, lost jobs, disappointments, and baby poop explosions that get all the way up into the neck creases).
4. There are a few fights that you will probably have for your entire marriage. Learn to enjoy them. Ours include: 1. Who’s farts are more toxic. (One of you might be EXTREMELY dramatic about this). 2. Who forgets to change the toilet paper roll. 3. Where are the keys? Instead of trying to solve this problem, just embrace the fact that you will be 85 sitting in your side by side recliners and you will let one rip and your husband will act like he’s dying.
5. If you throw one body pillow away, she will buy another. It isn’t personal, this pillow is only her secondary lover SHE WILL NEVER REPLACE YOU COMPLETELY.
6. When you order something on Amazon the other one will receive an email saying what you ordered. I THOUGHT YOU SHOULD KNOW.
7. Do not watch the show you are binge watching together in secret because what kind of human are you anyway??
8. Laugh often. Life is not as hard or stressful if you can still tease each other and laugh at each others (expense and jokes).