Confessions of a Mom who Struggles

I have had really bad days of motherhood.

I have had really good days of motherhood.

When am I a good mom? On all the days.

Yesterday I spent upwards of 12 hours cleaning my house like a maniac. I was cleaning the things that I never clean. Do other people get dog hair in their freezer or is that just a me problem? I cleaned UNDER things; I threw away things; I scrubbed things. Afterwards, I ate a pint of ice cream and relished in the glory while trumpets sounded from heaven. Now my kids are staring at me pathetically from the yard while they eat graham crackers, because this house is not used for eating or living anymore.

Sometimes I do not clean my house for like 100 hours. I run out of dishes, so we use paper plates. We run out of clothes, so we wear things that require “spot cleaning” with a soapy dish rag. I’m not going to sugar coat it; it gets gross around here. By day three it’s like an episode of Hoarders.

When am I a good mom? Both times. All the time.

I try and be compassionate when my kids are hurt and sad, even though there are times I want to say, I JUST TOLD YOU NOT TO DO THAT, FOR THE LOVE. I hug them and I kiss them and I say, “Baby I am so so sorry that happened to you”.

Other times I am running and I am sweaty and hot, and my daughter runs into my leg with her bike, and I yell at the top of my lungs for all of 5th street to hear: “I JUST TOLD YOU NOT TO DO THAT, FOR THE LOVE!” I apologize and also want to yell, IM NOT ALWAYS LIKE THIS! just to clarify things for onlookers. 

When am I a good mom? Both times.

Sometimes I’m the mom at the grocery cart that is talking all singsongy to my kids and making a game out of everything. I’m a regular Mary Poppins with my entourage of fun-loving kids. We prance down the aisles as people say, “Wow what a great bunch  of helpers you have!” We flash them blindingly white smiles and sing out greetings.

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MOST OF THE TIME I’m biting my bottom lip and muttering to myself while I try to make life altering decisions like: should I spend one million dollars for the organic version or buy the cheap chemical kind instead?? Meanwhile the kids are asking for s’more Pop Tarts and decorative duct tape, and fighting and stubbing their toes and spilling their drinks. If I ever lose my mind, it’s going to happen while trying to grab “two things” at Von’s. On those days someone definitely says, “WOW, you suuuuureeeee have your hands full.”

Next time I’m going to fight that person. 

When am I a good mom? BOTH times. 

I have had seasons where my life fit like a glove. I got up in the morning and I felt purposeful and peaceful. I was happy and content. 

I have also had seasons of dark depression and anxiety. I was impatient, stressed, and barely hanging on by a thread. 

When was I a good mom? Both times. There is room for us to struggle.

Motherhood is like mud wrestling; there’s no way to do it without getting dirty. We have good days and bad days; we have moments we’re proud of, and moments we are not. We have a few things we are really good at and a lot of things that we are not.

Bad days and dirty houses don’t define us.

We love them with our whole hearts and I’m a believer that love covers a multitude of mistakes.

There is room in motherhood for us to be human. We can be good at this and struggle at the same time. We all struggle.

The best thing we can do is love ourselves in the mess, love our kids in their mess, and love each other in our messes too.

From my hot mess to yours, may you know how amazing you truly are…

Love,

Jess

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15 thoughts on “Confessions of a Mom who Struggles

  1. Jen

    Love ❤️ next time I will fight them! Keep on keeping on sister. On a side note, is there mud wresting for kids?! Seems like they would love that, and give us at least a 30 minute break. Then hose them down and put them to bed 😊 ha! Have a great weekend in your clean house!!!

  2. Shardai

    This made my mom guilt go away today. Life is messy. I have days where nothing in the house gets done and my husband comes home appalled and I’m like I didn’t have time to take a shower so don’t today. I have three boys; 6,4 and 8 months. Some days I feel hopeless. Thanks for your honest heart.

  3. atimetoshare.me

    Oh how o remember these days. Even though I’m now a grandmother I often wonder how I ever got through motherhood. Each event was completely improvised. And I still get dog hair in my freezer. It’s funny how those moments are like battles scars, but truly worth it, you’re doing a great job❤️

  4. Bridget Patterson

    These are the words that I needed to hear today! My kiddos are 17, almost-14, 10, and 6, and there are so many times when I catch myself thinking, “Shouldn’t I have this motherhood thing figured out by now?!?” But no; life keeps throwing curveballs, and the mud-wrestling continues. Thank you so much for your post. I hope that writing it helped you as much as reading it did me. 🙂

  5. Sandra

    Gosh, this gave me wet eyes reading your post, thanks for the verbal-HUG! Yep, freezer-dog-hair, and hoarders scenes. I don´t even see the fingerprints everywhere anymore, I´m in awe when I see clear glass windows elsewhere though. I´m fighting to get fresh fruit in them daily, but dispite everything they suprisingly grow up fine and love me (what?). I knew when I got them I was going to be a bad parent and that they will probably (justifiably) throw it back in my face someday, like I do with my parents. But I also know they (mom&Dad) tried their best, and so am I, and I´m gratefull for the struggles because they define me. Proud to be flawed and yes I`m a good mom too, thanXX

  6. My thoughts exactly

    Perfectly written. I just fell like a dump bc I only have one child. Not counting the Husband or dogs. I still never feel like my house is in tip top shape. Something is always dirty and messy. All you Mother’s do amazing jobs with your multiples.

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