Dear Husband, When you can’t find your purpose…

Dear Husband,

I see the tension in your eyes and your shoulders when you walk through the door from a job you don’t enjoy.  You grab the kids and wrestle them as they gather around you like a gang of seagulls hungry for your attention. “Dad, dad, dad!” the little one says while the big one tells you a story neither of us can follow.

“Hey babe” I say, and we exchange an understanding glance. You are tired; you are discouraged; and you are wondering why you can’t seem to find “the thing” that makes you come alive. Since you were a boy you’ve dreamed of “the thing”; when you were in high school you were full of hope for “the thing”; in your twenties you wondered why you hadn’t found “the thing”. Now you’re in your thirties and you’re tired.

We are both tired.

Every year that has gone by that you haven’t found your dream job, your purpose, or your calling. You’ve made mental checks like roman numerals.

I know this road has felt long and hard, but babe, I want you to know something:

You have done well. You don’t see it; you only see what you haven’t done. You see your dreams like illusions that you can never seem to reach. Every year that goes by feels like another year you “didn’t”.

But, babe, YOU DID.

This year, you were a father; you were an amazing father. Our kids know you really see them and they know you believe in them. They know you love them beyond a shadow of a doubt. I know you wish you gave them more, and that you weren’t ever impatient or stressed, but babe we all get that way. You are a good dad, a really good dad.

This year you were a husband. You were my husband and I wouldn’t choose any other husband on the planet. You are my partner and my best friend and I love doing life with you. You always make me feel stronger and more powerful and more beautiful. I am better because of you.

This year you were a provider. You worked your ass off. You did things you didn’t want to do for the sake of love. You showed up every day and you wore down your body doing labor that wasn’t fun for you. You took care of us and we are so grateful for you. Thank you for showing our kids what it looks like to work hard at things for your family.

This year you were a dreamer. You are a dreamer, and that will teach our kids to dream too. You listened to podcasts and you studied late at night. You haven’t given up on finding your passion, and I’m proud of you for that.

This year you were an inspiration because you never gave up. Even when you were tired, even when you were discouraged, you kept dreaming and wrestling and trying things.

And you will find your thing, I’m sure of it. I believe it with my whole heart.

I’ll be with you while you wait.

And until then, don’t forget that we’re your thing too. Even if you get to the end of your life and you never found your dream job or your life’s work, we are your thing. We are your greatest fans, and you are damn good at belonging to us.


Your Wife


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10 responses to “Dear Husband, When you can’t find your purpose…”

  1. Oh Jess thank you thank you for loving him. We believe in you guys and him❤️

  2. Ugh – this is so on point and so good. And it’s a good ugh. The kind that makes you relax knowing you’re not alone and that we are all walking out our own journeys. And then you come along and articulate what we feel inside but can’t seem to say out loud. Love you Jess.

  3. Funny how your posts are always spot on with what we are dealing with too….we literally just had the till 4 a.m. discussion of how hubs hasn’t met the mark he had for himself and how he feels lost. I hate that he feels that, the fact I can’t help with it, and that he can’t always see what he has accomplished. Keep showing him and being a sounding board for him. (and keep the scarily parallel blogs coming 😉 )

  4. That was good. Must be such a reassurance for the person who reads it. “To be loved no matter what” is such a blessing. And we all fall into that trap of thinking more of what we didn’t ad less of what we did. Thank you for bringing that point here…

  5. Jess… what a wonderful tribute and encouragement.

  6. Jess and Isaac…and this is called living, creating and being present in our crazy, upside down world! You both, and all, are doing it splendidly! Thank you from the bottom of my heart! Aunt Gay

  7. This caught my eye because I too, have a husband who needs to find “his thing.” He’s about to retire from a job he loves and has been passionate about, but it is exhausting and stressful at times. He has a chance to follow his passion and do something else, but needs an exit plan before retirement hits. But he just can’t seem to figure out what the hell he wants to do and actually commit to something!

  8. So sweet, they do indeed work hard and being their support is all they ask. 😊🙏🏽

  9. What a beautiful letter. It’s one I believe every one of us could write at any given time, but didn’t have the words to. Thank You for having the words and sharing them. Blessings & Peace to you and yours.

  10. This is seriously beautiful and literally expresses everything I want to say to my husband every, single day. You’re an amazing wife for this and you guys will find your way. I am putting it into the Universe for you. <3

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