Yep, I have cellulite.

I wrote a quick article yesterday about cellulite. I have it and I own it, that’s it. 

I get a lot of crappy comments on other things that I usually shrug off, but I had one yesterday that really got me. I am an eating disorder survivor, and even though it has been seventeen years since I had to weekly see a counselor, nutritionist, and a doctor, her words still triggered me. They triggered me in the icky way that made old thoughts emerge from the grave where I buried them. I imagine it’s similar with any addiction regardless of how many years have gone by.

I since deleted and reported her comments (thank you to everyone who chimed in my defense). Basically she said that I am unhealthy and she would never allow her body to look like mine, and as a mother I should set a better example for my kids.

I’m sure this came from a very wounded person and I have no intention of focusing on her or making her into a villain.

But I do want to speak up and talk this through because that’s just what I do.

Today my mind went to a dark place and it took me a bit to climb my way back out, so here is me speaking outloud to every old body dysmorphic and disordered eating lie:

I am beautiful and I am worthy; so are you. I’m not defined by a number on the scale or skin that’s not dimpled and stretch-marked. My boobs are like deflated helium balloons from years of nursing, my thighs have stretch marks from my “pregnant butt”, I have cellulite that multiplies every year I grow older, and I accept that. I love my body and I will never hate it again. Period.

I will not hide my body around my daughters and I will not ever talk poorly about it around them. I will laugh when they point out my boobs kinda “hang there” and when they mention my butt wobbles when I walk (because they do and it does and I’m fine with that).

I will not focus on perfecting my blemishes because I don’t have time for that shit. I will focus on loving my kids, my husband, my God, my friends, and the people I come in contact with every day. I will teach my kids to do the same.

I have found that having grace for myself is directly related to having grace for others, so I choose grace even though sometimes it’s a battle.

I will never stop eating ever again. Not for a diet, not for a cleanse, not for a fast. That is too close to old bondage and too triggering for me to ever do (even for a “healthy” cause).

I’m not against healthy lifestyle changes, in fact some of them can bring a lot of freedom. However, I will be careful not to adopt one that is too controlling and limiting. I have found when I become too “strict” with food it directly affects my joy and my appetite for life.

I will take care of my body and treat it well. I will run because it gives me mental clarity and peace in my soul. I will feed myself nutritious foods because I need good fuel. I will also eat ice-cream and Spicy Cheetos because treats are fun and every day is a celebration of life. My body is important and valuable, but I will not obsess about it (been there, done that).

I’m a not a bad mom because I have cellulite on my body. I am a good mom who has cellulite on her body. Seventeen years ago I chose life instead of death. My children are the fruit of that choice and of God’s goodness.

Much love to all of you.

Here’s the link to the original post (I deleted triggering comments for myself and others who have battled or are battling eating disorders).

16 thoughts on “Yep, I have cellulite.

  1. Jessica Olin

    I love reading your posts. You make me feel so normal and comfortable. The other day I was running around the yard with my son and he start giggling. I asked him if I run funny and he replied “No. Your butt just jiggles when you run”. I thought that was hilarious because yes it does and that’s okay:)

  2. Heavenly Elysian

    People who are deeply hurting will hurt others. Her comments had nothing to do with you but everything to do with the struggles in her life. Regardless, those types of comments are heartbreaking and I’m so sorry you had to deal with someone else’s insecurities. Love your posts! They are so encouraging! Keep on posting from the heart and ignore those people who are finding joy in bringing others down.

  3. Brother John

    It is true wonder and an inspiration to see someone speak of important stuff, like motherhood. All these ppsta have been a joy to reqd and look forward to. I believe men and fathers should read them as well to get more understanding and an open mind and heart. We need to voice out that life is not perfect, but we can make the most of it with god and the blessings He gives.
    You sound like a wonderful mother and I pray strength to keep going and keep doing.

  4. Jules

    I would love to be able to run! Good job! I can do a bit but I just have farm ground to walk on so not very even for running. I understand your past struggles and am not where you are able to be today. Good work! (and I’m much older than you. You are wiser!)

  5. Beth

    Life teaches you that you were wrong…. a lot. We see our old opinions/ judgements & cringe. She will do the same one day when she has her priorities right. You are through that process already so keep moving forward, don’t look back x

  6. LindsaysTwoCents

    You know for sure those nasty comments are from people who don’t know true happiness right now and they have more to do with them then they do with you, but man it’s hard sometimes. Love your bravery for sharing and speaking up. Keep on writing your beautiful story.

  7. Holly

    I am the same-a long time eating disorder survivor. I will probably never jump on the keto craze, the paleo kick, or the whole 30 fad. It triggers me im serious ways. I cannot ever restrict again and I don’t want to. Balance is the key-healthy foods to give my body energy and to feel good, treats because I deserve it after a long days work. Good for you for brushing it off! We are alive and that is what matters!

  8. allison

    Thank you for setting such a gracious example of how to deal with the hurtful things! I have so appreciated your perspective AND have been so grateful for the times I laughed out loud while making my way through one of your posts. Thank you for sharing your growth and growing pains. May God bless your sweet little family!

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