Dear Daughter, When I get it wrong…

Dear Daughter,

We butted heads this morning and I saw that look in your eyes, the one that says she doesn’t get it, she doesn’t understand me. You got mad and I got mad too. It took me ten minutes and a mocha before I started to calm down.

Sometimes we are all tangled up on the couch picking out your dream dress on Say Yes. Sometimes our emotions seem to simultaneously combust into flames.

I want you to know, no matter how mad or upset I get…I’m not going anywhere, not ever. I plan on getting this right, even if it takes lots of mistakes and apologies along the way (it already has).

Maybe the sacred thing about our relationship is that it’s beautifully imperfect. It’s messy, it’s unedited, and it’s raw (because it’s safe).

You will never be too much for me. You might yell; you might cry about something I can’t understand. You might play rough; you might bounce off the literal walls. You might pick fights with your siblings, you might make a craft that ends like a paper snowstorm in the kitchen, but you will never be too much for me. I get irritated, I snap, I overreact and cover my face with my hands and do that sighing thing that I do…but you will never ever be too much for me.

You will always be enough.  Your brown eyes, you straight hair, your glasses that perch on your nose: you are the most perfect version of you. I love your deep (sometimes crazy) laugh. I love you when you get so mad you yell (truth be told I admire it a little). I love you when you do your chores half way and when you whisper things under your breath I probably don’t want to hear. You are enough, and you always will be.

I am always willing to be wrong. I wish I always got it right, but I know that I don’t. It’s okay to get mad at me and it’s okay to tell me when I get it wrong. I’ve made peace with making mistakes, but I’m never ever okay with losing your heart.

We can always find each other in music. When we can’t find the words to understand each other, when we feel so mad that we can’t communicate calmly…we can always connect through music. Maybe it’s Taylor, maybe it’s Imagine Dragons, but sometimes it’s the music that saves us.

I don’t just love you, I like you too. I like you so much, I like you so so much. I even like the things that drive me batty.

I plan on being best friends forever. I plan on being tangled on the couch watching rom-coms (or maybe heist movies) and eating sugar until we feel sick forever. I plan on laughing about bodily functions and boob problems for eternity. If you get married and have a family I plan on helping you pick out your wedding dress (I swear I will not be one of those mom-zillas) and I plan on loving your babies just like I love you. Whatever it is you do I plan on being your greatest fan and confidant from now until forever.

I will fight for you forever. I love you completely and I love you fiercely. I love you softly and I love you wholly.

I love you to my very core and your very core too.

We belong to each other.

I promise to work on it until the day I die.

I promise to keep pursuing your heart forever and ever.

Love,

Mama

***

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5 thoughts on “Dear Daughter, When I get it wrong…

  1. Siham Costantine

    You brought tears to my eyes when you mention how you cuddle on the couch watching Say Yes. My daughter is 26 years old now, married, and lives in the States. I live in Lebanon and I visit her twice a year. We still do the same when we meet, cuddle on the sofa and watch “Say Yes to the dress”. By the way, she was the most beautiful bride last December. I hope one day you will see your daughter in her wedding dress, and your heart will burst with joy, pride, and ache! Love, Siham

  2. Jane Chapman

    Jessica, you hit this one out of the ballpark! There’s nothing like the love of a mother for her daughter! (I’m Jill’s momma) and everything you said I’ve been there. From arguing, wedding dress, babies, to best friends! You are wise beyond your years! Every word is true! Thanks for sharing! Keep going, God has big things in store for you!❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

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