Sometimes I ask you if there are any crushes in your life. You predictably roll your eyes and scoff at me, “MOM, NO!”
I grin at you, “Okay well, let me know.”
You probably won’t let me know anytime soon, but someday I hope you do.
I hope you know I’m a safe place when it comes time to process crushes, awkward dates, and heartbreaks. I promise to listen more than I talk. I promise to be your ally, your confidant, and your friend.
You’re still young yet, but someday you might want to get married and (if) you do here are my thoughts:
Find the one that loves you as you are. Don’t ever stay with someone that makes you feel like you’re “not good enough” or like you should be someone/something different. The right “one” will fall in love with you for you. If you feel like you have to change, then chances are the fit just isn’t right.
Find one who will change diapers and wake up to give the toddler tylenol. Find the one who will throw a football outside with the kids and who will clean out that pan with the eggs burnt to the bottom. Find someone who is generous, kind, and loving.
Choose someone who is your friend. It is important that they set your heart on fire and just as important that they make you laugh until you pee your pants. Don’t underestimate the power of friendship.
Don’t choose too quickly. There’s no rush my love. Choose wisely and when your brain isn’t just full of mush, glitter, and hormones. If you can’t see straight, then spend some time away to get perspective. Aligning your whole life with someone is NOT a small thing, make sure you will go farther together than apart.
Don’t tie your dreams to an anchor. Listen, this one is hard, but it’s important. You need to make sure you aren’t aligning with someone that will ultimately tie up your sails. Ask the hard questions, be realistic with each other if your dreams truly match up or not. If they don’t match, are you both willing to lay down some of your own desires to see the other succeed? Sometimes its the simple questions like: Do you like to travel? Do you want kids? Do you always want to live in this state? Do you believe in God in the way that I do?
Pay attention to your friends and your family. Ask them if it seems right. It’s no one’s decision, but yours, but if everyone you love has concerns, it’s a good idea to pay attention.
Choose someone that will tell you you’re handsome/ beautiful when your hair looks like you’ve been struck like lightning and your wearing those sweat pants with holes. Find the one that sees YOU, even when you don’t see you.
Think about for richer for poorer and in sickness and in health. Listen, there will be hard things. I wish that wasn’t true, but it is. There might be sickness, or loss, or financial trouble. WHATEVER IT IS, make sure you choose someone who you can struggle with.
My loves, it may be annoying or embarrassing when I ask you about it now, but my hope is that you will know I am here. I am an open book and I will answer any questions you have without judgement or critique. My hears are here for listening and my arms are here for hugging when it doesn’t turn out the way you wanted.
Finding your person is the greatest gift, and I can’t wait to see who you choose.