In order to make friends:
You don’t need to have clean closets.
You don’t need to eat all organic.
You don’t need to lose 10 pounds or any amount of weight at all.
You don’t need to be an expert at parenting.
You don’t need to have life figured out.
You don’t need to be out of debt.
You don’t need to be happy all the time.
You don’t need to be “less weird”. We’re all weird, some people are just good at hiding it.
You don’t need to brush your hair.
You don’t need to be unmedicated.
You don’t need to scrape up that cereal that became petrified under your kitchen table.
You don’t need clean clothes.
You don’t need to figure out what that smell in your car is.
You should improve zero things about yourself before you start pursuing friendships. You don’t have time for that, and neither does anyone else.
Mom tribes are the PERFECT place for hot messes and honesty is the best way to connect.
My closets are a hazard (best not open that hall one or you’ll be taken out by blankets and rogue board game pieces). I have anxiety and I’m medicated. I don’t wear underwear (I can’t explain it so maybe don’t ask). I have a weird obsession with throw pillows and soft blankets. Nachos at 12pm are my vice. I’m firey and my parenting style is called: apologizes a lot.
Guess what? That’s who I am and I’m worthy of friendship and belonging exactly like that. I don’t care what your flaws, imperfections, and secrets are either my friend…you’re worthy too.
I don’t know about you, but I’m not interested in some throwback to a high school click. If there’s a cool mom crowd I would like to never know about it. I want to be where the real (honest, imperfect) people are and I would like to drink margaritas with those people. Hot messes are my jam and dark under eye circles are a bonus. If there’s weird shit on your yoga pants you didn’t notice till you stepped in to actual daylight? PERFECT I like you better. Tired is the standard and crying kids are expected.
Your authentic self and the willingness to risk reaching out are all that is needed.
I’m sure we all have a million confessions we could confess.
When finding your mom tribe remember:
You’re worthy. Period. That’s it. There’s nothing wrong with you.
Just do it. (Yes, like Nike because basically finding friends as an adult is the same as a sport). BE BRAVE. Remember, they’re probably nervous too. Invite someone for coffee, go to a moms group, make a play date, just start somewhere. It might take a while to find the people/person you “just click with”, but it’s worth it to connect to all kinds of people along the way.
Make waves. If you’re stuck in the shallow friendships and conversation: make a giant cannonball with your authenticity and see what happens. Maybe they’ll reject you (and you can find cooler people) or maybe (most likely) they’ll breath a huge sigh of relief and jump right in there with you.
Sister, friendships await you, I’m sure of it.