Dear Kids, When I’m not myself…

Dear Kids,

I haven’t been myself this week. I’ve been more uptight and snappy than I should be. I asked you to be quieter when you were just laughing and having a good time. I sent you to the other room to wrestle even though I usually love it when you play.  I got mad and yelled when you got in a fight instead of paying attention to what you needed and listening to your side of the story. .

I haven’t been myself, and I’m sorry.  It’s been a weird week and it doesn’t have anything to do with you. Not a single bit of it is your fault. I let my stress get the best of me, and that’s the truth. I’m sorry.

I really thought adults had it all figured out, but I am one now, and it turns out I don’t. Sometimes fear snatches my heart and I can’t seem to think of anything else. I forget who I am and I forget to be strong. I forget to smile and to laugh. I forget to see you and to hear you even though you’re the very thing that matters most to me. I’m working on that.

So my darling, here’s what I’m going to do:

I’m going to suit up for another day. I’m going to throw on my cowgirl boots and show up for battle. I’m going to dig deep into my strength and tell fear to sit down. I’m going to choose faith and courage and I’m going to hold onto them fiercely. I’m going to strive to be the very best version of myself for you, my love.

Even so, I hope that my weakness teaches you something. I hope that when you come upon your own stress, tiredness, fear, and confusion, that you won’t feel shame because you will know I’ve been there too. I’ve been there many many times. We all struggle with those things and it’s quite possible that in the darkness you will find you’re stronger than you ever knew. Perfection isn’t required, but humility is and I already know you’ve got this.

I’m sorry I haven’t been myself. I’m sorry I’ve been off. I’m sorry for anyway I’ve hurt your feelings or made you feel like you were doing something wrong. I’m not saying I’m going to get it all right from here on out (I already know that I won’t), but when I fail I’m going to keep showing up, saying sorry, and trying again.

I’m going to dig deep into the strength I know is there.

I love you forever.

My darling, the future looks bright.

Love,

Mama

 

 

 

 

2 thoughts on “Dear Kids, When I’m not myself…

  1. sharon

    Love it. Nailed it. All of us moms know exactly what you mean. Keep up the good fight, loving momma.

  2. catherine burrell

    Thank you once again for your heart felt words. Your writing really does resonate with life as many of us know it, right now. Here’s to digging deep, finding the heart to forgive yourself and the courage to try again. Keep writing ♥️
    Much love x

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