So, I have anxiety.
I’ve always had it I think. There have been seasons that it’s come in waves so strong and fast it knocked me off my feet. There has also been seasons of unexplainable calm and peace.
Sometimes anxiety feels like all my senses are turned up too high. Every noise is too loud. Every touch is too rough. Every light is too bright.
Sometimes anxiety has made me silent and frozen. I feel trapped in a prison of my own fear, unable to cry out for help.
Sometimes anxiety makes normal life feel overwhelming.
Everything is too much. Cleaning the mess is too much, doing the laundry is too much, paying the bills is too much.
Sometimes anxiety makes me unable to handle (read) the news or even have certain conversations with friends because if I do my mind will spin out of control.
Sometimes anxiety causes me to feel physically ill, like headaches, stomach aches, and knots in my back and neck from stress.
Sometimes anxiety feels like being completely alone in a room full of people.
Sometimes anxiety causes panic attacks so strong I can’t breath and I begin to sob uncontrollably wherever I’m at (even I’m in the grocery store).
Sometimes anxiety makes me unable to sleep.
Sometimes anxiety makes me on edge and impatient with my family. That’s my least favorite symptom I think.
You know what else having anxiety means?
It means I will never judge someone in the middle of a battle with mental health.
I will never wonder why she’s not happy when she has so much to be thankful for.
I will never wonder why my friend who is struggling isn’t calling me back.
I will never wonder why she is so scared about something that seems unreasonable.
The thing is anxiety sucks. It really does. But the more we talk about it the more we’ll realize we’re not alone.
Right now my seas are peaceful and calm, but if you’re in the middle of a big storm I’m holding space for you because I get it.
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