Mom Runs for Beer: Instructions on how to start running from a non-pro.

Now before I start this, let me just tell you, I’ve been running for 3 months. I am similar to that lady who ranted on Facebook about how parenting isn’t an excuse to not shower and have crumbs under the couch– and she has exactly one 2-week-old infant. We’ve all been collectively giggling while we sip our wine, and fist bumping thinking of toddlers running through Cheerrios on her freshly vacuumed carpet. I was thinking of emailing her to see if she could come shave my legs for me.

Anyway, I’m about as much of an expert as that lady. Tomorrow I might tell you that “running” was of yesteryear; I’ve found a new passion in making candles or picking cherries- except picking fruit makes me wish I was cleaning a toilet – because that would definitely be more exciting.

Mostly, I don’t want anyone writing me while I’m eating chocolate cake and binge watching Netflix…”I thought you used to run??” No one needs that kind of negativity in their life.

So, as long as we’re clear, this is my story:

Maybe my shoes looked lonely that day, or maybe the heavens opened and the angels started singing the sound track of Chariots of Fire. I have no idea. Somehow I got it in my head that going on a run was a good idea, and it stuck.

At first my running consisted of only walking, which was really nice because I could still drink a latte while doing it. Seriously though, I paid no attention to how much I stopped, and walked, or maybe laid down in the middle of the road for a minute (only once or ten times did I do that). I made goals and I finished them whether I was jogging or crawling. No shame. Over time, I was able to run further and further, and I wondered less if I should call Graham and give him my location (in case I passed out and never came home).

I celebrated my first half mile like I was Ryan Held on the podium for the first time (was that not the most precious thing you have EVER seen??). For reals I did.

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Pro Tip: When running it is completely legit to speed up when you pass by someone and then immediately stop when they can no longer judge you. Please tell me I am not alone.

I try and sneak out before the kids are awake, but sometimes there is one little person hanging on to me asking, “Mom, why do you hafffa go wunnning?? Stay here wif me!”

Her cheeks are so fluffy and cute, I might die.

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There are always 1001 reasons NOT to go running. For instance: sleeping. Sleeping almost always sounds like a better idea than running. So does eating a brownie.

The facts are though, sometimes it really helps to pound out some stress. If you’re like me, you need to remember those stressful things to get you out the door. So, I have put together this handy little list of mini-motivations:

REASONS WHY I RUN:

Because my children are louder than any other human beings on the planet. I have high hopes if yelling ever becomes an Olympic sport.

Because no one can ever, in this ever-loving house, find their shoes.

Because I love beer and ice-cream.

Because, blue petrified toothpaste on the counter, every single moment of my life.

Because this happens in my bathroom while I’m packing for a trip…FullSizeRender-78

Because Malachi and Scout argued about dolphins yesterday for 45 minutes.

Because cool running clothes make me feel powerful and awesome. Running clothes don’t pinch me or confine me…they say: GIRL, you got this.

Because of the crumbs that stick to the floor when I sweep.

Because I pretend to not mind Daniel Tiger, but really, when I listen to him sing his annoying little songs – I want to stab my ear drum with a fork.

Because conversations with children make zero sense. Ever. Yesterday I lost an argument with my three-year-old and ended up cutting up tiny pieces of bacon for a stuffed cat.

Because asphalt doesn’t argue. Asphalt doesn’t give a damn about what I made for dinner or if we’re having dessert. It says get it girl, you’re the shiz.

***

For reals though, since I’ve started running I’ve noticed my anxiety levels are better. Not perfect, but better. I feel better physically. I have the appetite of a high schooler, and feel very justified categorizing things like ice cream and chocolate as caloric “needs”. I always ate ice cream, but now I feel it’s okay to finish it off without offering any to Graham, because you know, blood sugar.

I started out dragging myself a mile or two, and now I’m tentatively planning a half marathon with my sister-in-law. Because I’m literally insane, but friends…

If I can do it ANYONE can do it.

XOXO,

Jess

For more reading like this, follow me here at Wonderoak, on Facebook and Wonderoakblog on Instagram!!

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30 thoughts on “Mom Runs for Beer: Instructions on how to start running from a non-pro.

  1. photobelle2

    Girl you inspire me! I walked a half marathon several years ago (when I weighed 275lbs!) and finished dead last w 2 minutes on the clock…. But I finished! I’ve dropped 50lbs and within the past 4 months started training 4 days a week work a personal trainer. I WANT TO RUN. but every time I try I have awful shin splints. Any advice for that? I’m going to keep pushing though. When I started I could barely jog between two mailboxes. Now I can almost run a whole street. You are awesome! Thank you for sharing!

    Liked by 1 person

  2. christian

    Did I write this? I could have. Or maybe at one time I wrote something eerily similar. In any event, YES YES and YES! I have three kiddos, ages 8, 2 and 1. Some days I want to poke forks in my eyes…but I don’t. Instead, I’m going to think about this post and lace up. At least if I don’t actually get out the door, I’ll have ‘dressed out’ – that counts for something, rigth?! 🙂 I needed this today. You go, girl.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. LG

    Here’s one more: when your tween will listen to one direction on loop, the inspiration to get the hell out of there is amazing. I lost 8 lbs since my kid hit 12 a few months back and have worn out a couple of pairs of runners. I hear ya loud and clear, lady.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. wonderoak

    That is A-MAZING!! You inspire ME!! I had shin splints for a while, but they’ve let up for now. I wish I had some epic advice for that but I don’t :/! All I know is keep on keepin on!! Do whatever works for you – you are killing it!

    Like

  5. Erica

    @photobelle2… Have you tried getting nice running shoes with really good arch support? I ran a ton in high school and college and got them really bad right after a race. My coach told me that it was my shoes. I had worn down the arch support. 9 times out of 10, that’s what it is. There are also really good stretches to help prevent shin splints (pinterest!) Hope that helps 🙂

    Like

  6. kendra

    This may have been the best thing I have read in a while! Im no mom but my excuses are running high, so ill attempt to wear my jogging shorts maybe one time this week for actual exercise rather than an excuse not to put real clothes on 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  7. kickinitgood

    This is a great post! I recently completed my first ever Half Marathon and for me it wasn’t so much about the running as it was about crossing that finish line! So I paced myself and pretty much jogged the whole way (21kms is a long way to run!) minus a few minutes here and there in the last 6 kms haha Good on you! You can do it! Cheering you on from the Kapiti Coast! X

    Liked by 1 person

  8. Angie

    I love this! I recently accomplished my longest run ever: 6 miles. At one time. Without stopping. It felt good and I didn’t die. Your honesty and humor is inspiring and motivating…thanks!

    Liked by 1 person

  9. Lizzie Loughlin

    Love this! I run from time to time and when I do I feel like broadcasting it but nobody’s really interested, I know! How dare they! I come up with every excuse under the sun to not run, will be adopting your method from now on- could take time to reverse the thinking process tho…. 👟👟👟

    Liked by 1 person

  10. Pingback: Two Thumbs Up Tuesday! (8/16) | Not the Average Mama

  11. makingtimeforme

    This is so awesome. I found you through Not the Average Mama. I took up running 7 years ago to lose the weight after having 2 kids in 17 months. I would love to share this over the weekend for my Weekly Faves if you wouldn’t mind 🙂 You have a new follower too 😉

    Liked by 1 person

  12. cleansneak

    Love this post, Jess. It cracked me up. I went running three times a few years back. I spent £90 on special running shoes, blew a bit more on Nike running tops and trousers, then filed everything in the cupboard under the stairs. I got back into it again a couple of weeks ago when I ran-walked-ran around the park with a friend from work. I was slow but she was really slow, so I felt like an Olympian. I’m totally with you on the importance of digging deep until you’ve passed other humans. Then you can spend five minutes puking in the bushes if needed but at least you’ve saved face. I also get competitive and proud if there’s another runner in the park who has turned up wearing layman’s gear but is faster than me. They are definitely not allowed to win, even if they don’t know it’s a competition. You actually look like a proper runner though. Fair play to you. I’m gonna get out there again in a bit and think of people with tidy houses and the spilt milk in our car footwell that won’t come out and is starting to smell of cheese. Thanks for the laughs and inspiration (to run and to write) xx

    Liked by 1 person

  13. Not the Average Mama

    I shared your post this morning on my Two Thumbs Up Tuesday post! I’ve been following you for awhile and your posts are always so spot on! Thanks for the good laugh, I’m glad I’m not the only one who feels like this about running!

    Liked by 1 person

  14. stomperdad

    This is AWESOME! ” giggling while we sip our wine, and fist bumping” I can just picture it… we’re all just sitting back, waiting for the $#!* to hit the fan when “that lady’s” 2 week infant is a screaming, food throwing, sanity shredding toddler 🙂 Then we’ll fist bump again and hand her a glass and welcome her to the club. I love running. I have just started taking my oldest (9) with me… though he rides his bike. It’s better than not running at all. And Ryan on the podium was the best. Can’t wait to read more!

    Liked by 1 person

  15. wonderoak

    Thanks so much @stomperdad! I just started taking my two boys sometimes too on there bikes. They were way into it. They’re like, “Mom, next time we’ll bring you water!” Haha – thanks for the feedback!

    Liked by 1 person

  16. stomperdad

    Ohh.. I like that idea! Put the water bottles on their bike. Mine wakes me at 6:30 am asking “are we going for a ride?” We’ve started at 4 miles, but we’re about to up it to 5 this afternoon 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  17. Laura

    LOVE it! This is almost enough to make me want to put on running shoes and try it. Maybe. Possibly. Especially once it’s not 100 degrees and muggy enough to make you melt into a puddle. I guess I should save this and read it again in September — but it’s a super fun post, so it would totally be worth a second read!

    Liked by 1 person

  18. Amber

    Thank you for this. I have been working out everyday since July. It has helped me so much. It is crazy. Keep running girl. I hope someday I be a person that likes to run…ha. You’re amazing and I love you. I will miss living up the road from you.

    Liked by 1 person

  19. Pingback: Mom Runs for Beer: Instructions on how to start running from a non-pro. | Making Time For Me

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