Tag: motherhood
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My kids are not an inconvenience
We just moved into a new neighborhood and I met an elderly woman a couple blocks down the street. She looked at me in shock (almost horror) when I told her that we have four kids and she kept saying, “Four? Four??” Then she looked at me square in the eyes. “I guess that will be […]
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Mom Guilt is a Liar
I have friends that grow, cook, and make almost everything from scratch that their kids eat. They are amazing. I salute them while I rip open a box of macaroni and cheese and add an extra few tablespoons of butter. It’s Annie’s Organic on a good day…otherwise we are not above the 19-cent variety. A […]
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How to Survive Motherhood? Friends.
As a kid, I imagined that shipwrecks and quicksand were going to be a lot more of a problem than they turned out to be. I’d sometimes lay in my bed at night envisioning myself struggling onto a desolate shore in tattered clothes. The terror was not about getting marooned on an island, but being […]
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Dear Stranger, Yes, my hands are full…
There I am, standing in the checkout line. One child is having a meltdown because they want a soda and the other one is doing aerial spins in the aisle. She is seconds away from taking out an elderly gentleman. He will never see it coming; she’ll take him out right at the knees. I […]
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PSA: I Fired the Tooth Fairy
I fired the tooth fairy. I am all done moonlighting as an ivory collector. It was the fifth time the, “tooth fairy must have been so busy she forgot!” while my husband and I mouthed obscenities to each other over their heads, HOW COULD WE LET THIS HAPPEN AGAIN???! My son sat me down and gently asked, “Mom, are you the […]
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How motherhood has changed me.
I was twenty-one years old when I held my son for the first time. I hadn’t yet a enjoyed a single legal drink and my idea of cleaning house was to not to. He was red and wrinkly and his cry echoed down the hospital hallways. He was perfect. I looked into his wide eyes and […]
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I’m Sorry I was Late (via Motherly)
I sat down and mapped out a life plan, and so far it looks like I will be late for approximately 15 more years. I’m so excited about my newest post for Motherly, because, FOR REALZZZ. Mornings before kids: 1. Get self ready. 2. Get self in car. 3. Go. Mornings now: 1. Wake up […]