Category: Mom Brain
Why I Will Not Judge Your Parenting
I’m too damn busy. I’m too busy making mistakes and praying my kids turn out alright anyway. I’m too busy looking at my musty smelling laundry pile and wondering if I should fold it or light it all on fire. I’m too busy teaching my kids good work ethics which means saying “stop playing and […]
PSA: I Fired the Tooth Fairy
I fired the tooth fairy. I am all done moonlighting as an ivory collector. It was the fifth time the, “tooth fairy must have been so busy she forgot!” while my husband and I mouthed obscenities to each other over their heads, HOW COULD WE LET THIS HAPPEN AGAIN???! My son sat me down and gently asked, “Mom, are you the […]
I’m Sorry I was Late (via Motherly)
I sat down and mapped out a life plan, and so far it looks like I will be late for approximately 15 more years. I’m so excited about my newest post for Motherly, because, FOR REALZZZ. Mornings before kids: 1. Get self ready. 2. Get self in car. 3. Go. Mornings now: 1. Wake up […]
What do Stay at Home Moms DO all day?
While usually we are being quaint and adorable like a live Norman Rockwell painting, there are a few other things that get us from WHYGODWHY in the morning to Netflix-O’clock at night. We clean things so they can be destroyed right exactly before you drop by. I don’t mean to brag, but my kids are capable of making my […]
Mom Brain is Real
My friend is nine weeks pregnant with her first, and last night she went to flush a banana peel down my toilet.