Listen, I’ve pushed four kids out of my lady business, so I feel like I have at least some street-cred for this discussion. I’ve been on a bit of a #dontjudge kick, but hey, we could use a whole lot more of it as far as I’m concerned. Here’s my point.

Don’t judge another’s vagina by one’s own vagina. Words to live by, I think.

Or, don’t judge until you’ve walked a mile in their…never mind.

Because seriously, all labors ARE. NOT. created equal.

As my friends have begun to join me on my quest for pushing entire humans out of small passageways, I feel a little protective of their feelings and their bodies (which aren’t actually up for public discussion, just so ya know). There is an overwhelming sense that there is a “Higher Way”. Um. Excuse me while I stand on my soapbox for a sec. THEY GREW A BABY AND THEN THE BABY HAD TO COME OUT OF THEIR BODY.

We should be giving a lot more high-fives and a lot less opinions.

Exhibit A: Weight gain. Just. Don’t speak. Stop it. Some people gain exactly the perfect amount of weight (so said by the pregnant book gods) on purpose and are successful. Those people are the hormone-conquering-elite, and are awe inspiring, but also not to be compared to. Kind of like a unicorn or an Olympic athlete. Um-kay? The second group of people gain the perfect amount of weight (or less), and there ain’t nothin’ they can do about it. May it be genetics, morning sickness or both, this is NOT to be judged, and also should not be a platform on which to instruct the “other” women. Because girl, you don’t even know. The third group. Well. Let’s just say I know what it’s like to visit the doctor and feel like the heavy weight champion of pregnant people, and my friend, you’re all good. You are growing a PERSON. To all the varieties of weight gain…I salute you. Awesome baby growing.

Exhibit B: Epidural/Natural/Caesarean: This is where I come again to my first point. Don’t judge another’s vagina, uterus, pelvic, cervix, hips, baby size, head size…by your own. You have absolutely NO idea what labor will look for another person. Your story can-not-and-will-not-be-their-story. Labors are NOT the same. That is insane. Case in point: Even my four labors (using the same body) deserve their own “titles”. Something like: “Blissfully Naive”, “Giant Head”, “Chainsaw Through My Body”, and “Sweet Potato Fries”. (Good thing Graham was there or I’d-a kicked it Old-Testament style with the child-naming, “One Who Angered Me” or “One Who Caused Me To Scream Swear Words”…and such). Stories for another time.

And the Caesarean. Listen, I get that they may be “over-used”. But also, I hear they help moms and babies avoid being dead. That’s pretty cool. To that I say…bring on the knife! And P.S., the women I know who have had Caesareans are complete BAD-ASSES. How about 60 hours of labor AND THEN a c-section…or my one friend (you know who you are) whose anesthesia DIDN’T WORK. Let’s all take a moment of silence to think about that.

So, how about, we all give the reins back to the person they actually belong to (the MOM) and make her feel AWESOME, no matter what her birth story may be. Because…wait for it…




(insert crying here).

I’m so sorry that was stolen from you, my friend. Your story is beautiful. It is yours. It is your son’s or daughter’s. It is your partner’s. Don’t let anyone take that from you.

Uh-hem. Re-focusing…

Exhibit C: Home/Hospital/Birth-Center. One of my favorite things ever is when Jim Gaffigan (the comedian) talks about how his wife has home births and people say to him, “We were going to do that, but we wanted our baby to live.” Aaaaaa. I die. So funny. Listen, if a person is going to have to push out a human, I’d say that they have a right to do that wherever they feel the most comfortable and safe. When I go to the hospital, I’m like “when did you say I have to check out of this hotel, and also could you bring me another cheeseburger and a milk shake?” But my friend Erika is like…I’d rather not go to a disease-infested asylum, that smells like a convalescent home…to have a baby. Understood. If you’re not the one contracting I’d say…put a lid on it.


I haven’t even mentioned the women who decided not to have kids. How about, that is also, nobody’s business.  (#RESPECT). Or can’t have biological kids. Or the Mama-warriors that battle Postpartum Depression (So sorry my friend, I have nothing but honor for you). Or a parent’s age? Or Surrogates (You are INCREDIBLE), and the families that use them (LOVE) or Adoption (show me anything that involves adoption and I will cry, I promise.) Speaking of which…have you seen the Chloe, a Story of Infertility, Adoption and God’s Love? (If you enjoy the kind of happy crying that involves lots of snot, Watch it. Watch it now.)

Ladies. Let’s link arms, give each other a wink, and say “I value you, and therefore I validate your story.” I don’t know about you, but I already hear a collective sigh of relief. Particularly my own.

If you remember nothing else, remember this.

Don’t judge another’s _____________(what?)

Okay good job.

Rant over.

**Special THANKS to Captured by Cortney Birth Photography for these INCREDIBLE photos. You absolutely have to go check out the rest of her work, and if you’re from Whitefish or Kalispell, MT, book her to help you tell your birth story.

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22 responses to “DON’T JUDGE MY UTERUS”

  1. Love it love it love it!

    Can you make flyers and hand this out to everyone?

  2. So good, Jess! Every time! Also, I love that you are so cool that as I am reading this post, you have posted your comment… from. the. future! Too funny! And LOVE you! Keep it up, girl! You’re speaking for the lot of us. 😉

  3. Haha Ellie, thankyou!! Always means a lot!

  4. Every Father, especially FUTURE Fathers needs to read this!
    Just sayin’.

  5. […] For more reading  like this check out Don’t Judge My Uterus. […]

  6. […] more reading like this, check out Don’t Judge My Uterus and 10 Reasons to Stop Judging […]

  7. I love it! I’ll admit I do believe I should be sainted for not telling my daughter what I thought she should do in regards to any part of her labor and delivery without her inquiring first. It’s so easy to say.. well it worked for me…. but .. then.. she may be mine, but me she’s not. <3

  8. Nice job Mama, that’s hard to do!

  9. […] It’s true, every person’s path through the birth process is different and very personal. Every parent’s choices and path should be respected! Don’t Judge my Uterus […]

  10. […] For more reading like this, check out 10 Reasons to Stop Judging Parents and Don’t Judge My Uterus. […]

  11. Hi Jess,

    I’m an editor for Scary Mommy and I think this post is perfection. If you would be interested in republishing on our site, please email me at Either way, great work!

  12. Hi Samantha! Yes! I just emailed you :).

  13. Can we please be friends? I’m a follower from now on.

  14. […] This post originally appeared at WONDEROAK Blog! For more reading  like this check out Don’t Judge My Uterus. […]

  15. I just fell in love with you.

    Throughout my pregnancy, my mother-in-law (yeah, this one is cliched I am afraid), wasted no opportunity in telling me that my sister-in-law did not as much emit a moan during both her labor., each of which lasted four hours before the efficient grandchildren slipped out like, I don’t know, diarrhoea?

    During my labor that lasted a good 36 hours with a two hour transition thrown in, followed by an emergency C-section because the baby had crowned my still not fully dilated bottom, I moaned; I may have even screamed murder now and then, I was washed over not only by the pain of wanting to push the melon out of my straw, but also with guilt of not being able to bear the pain like the s-i-l.

    Am I less of a mom? Or is my vagina any less than my sils?

    Bullcrap, I say.

  16. Anna G. Palmer Avatar
    Anna G. Palmer

    I cried so hard through that video😭😊 Love your blog😄😋 Fist bump😋👊

  17. Haha thank you! 👊

  18. Wonderful post. So glad I found this blog today. I’m a mom of one daughter (adopted) and a son (biological, 30 hrs labour, induced, vaginal birth)

  19. I just found this blog, from your blog about letting go of teenagers (which was a link from the Empty Nesters FB page – whew). I just had to comment, as I’ve told so many new moms this because it was the one thing I carried thru the entire pregnancy and still to this day. On our first appointment (and it was our first meeting) my OBGYN said to me, “Carol, this is the ONLY thing I need you to remember in 8 months…ANY way we get the baby here is a NATURAL child birth! Our ONLY goal is at the end to have a healthy baby and a healthy momma! Don’t let anyone tell you different!” So thru birth class when they were preaching ‘no epidural’, “natural”, I just sat and smiled to myself and repeated my mantra in my head, “Every birth is natural!”. I told a mom-to-be this a few months ago and she hugged me and said that was the best advice anyone’s given her. I felt the same way when I got it!! Love your blogs!!

  20. That is so good!! Thank you for sharing!

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