Confessions from a Stay at Home Mom

I know you think I wear yoga pants and athletic-T’s because I spend my days doing pilates while my kids practice Mozart on their harmonicas. But, I’m here to tell you, I wear them because they’re stretchy.

Whenever I don’t have a pile of laundry, I do teach them French and help them draw Rembrandt replicas with crayons. That hasn’t happened yet, but I’m projecting by the time they’re in their 30’s I’ll have reached the bottom of the basket. Pretty excited to get started.


I have gone kid-deaf. If my husband and I go anywhere together and he’s driving, I’m going to use that time to jam to tunes and pluck my eyebrows. Obviously. But, after a while I can feel his raised eyebrows boring into my soul. It really messes with a girl’s mojo. Finally the hints become far too unsubtle to ignore. “What?”

“THE KIDS.” Says husband.

“What?” I ask again.


It is only then that I notice the screaming in the back seat. It has something to do with a receipt they found on the floor and who should be the proud owner of such a treasure. I try to explain that my ability to “tune-out” is a learned skill, but he doesn’t want to be my student.

There is only one reason I’m wearing a parka at school pick-up in the Spring. It wasn’t a bra day, it just wasn’t.

I have friends who don’t drink coffee. I literally cannot comprehend this lifestyle. My parenting strategy is to try not talking until I’m caffeinated.  I once was told that an apple gives you more energy than a cup of coffee. Hmmm. First of all, an apple only gives me enough energy to eat two toasted cheese bagels. Secondly, I tried it, and if apple energy makes your body feel like lead, and your mind feel like applesauce, then I had it.

Also, I’m contemplating getting a tattoo across my chest that says, “Coffee is my life.”

If I get dressed and put on makeup I’m going to go somewhere. Even if it’s the post office or the hardware store, I need witnesses. I got dressed and wore clothes today. You’re welcome. Also, next time you see a mom who is clothed and makeup-ed, take a moment to appreciate it. Maybe offer to take her picture and post it on Instagram #hottie. She meant to get out of the house at 9am and it’s 3:45. She needs the affirmation.

Kid food is the best. There is one reason I stoop to the level of chicken nuggets “for the kids”. That one reason is so I can accidentally eat fifteen of them. Why are the SO GOOD?? Okay, so I don’t buy all these things all the time (don’t judge), but let’s be real. HOW epic is macaroni and cheese? Enough said.

It is real. I have lost my mind to mom-brain. My friend forgot her name one time when she went to sign a receipt. It takes me ten minutes to remember my kids’ birth years and it involves a lot of counting. When people ask what I’ve been up to, I stare at them blankly until they’re uncomfortable. I’m not trying to hypnotize them…I’m trying to recall my week, and yeah, I got nothin’.

Socks are my nemesis. Where are they? It doesn’t matter how many I buy. And I’m long past “matching”.  Mismatched socks is like a thing in our house, but when I’m bargaining with my eight year old boy to “just see” if his four year old sister’s socks will fit…things have gotten desperate. Hi, I’d like a subscription to a 100 new pairs of socks per month. One size fits all for ages 2-30. Thank you.

Time-outs are for me. Obviously. I would think this would be a given, but you never know. Time outs are for me to sneak chocolate and watching a couple YouTube videos with adult language. Also, bonus, they come out with better attitudes and so do I.

I am that mom. When a group of kids is walking down the center of the road, it’s no longer adequate to wait until they notice me and slowly maneuver around them. This calls for a pull-over discussion about the best ways to stay alive. When there are some supervision-less children dropping the F-bomb and  twenty pound rocks off the dock near other kids heads? No problem. A mom-lecture is needed and I can deliver. It’s like a new specialty of mine.

I like my job. Dear Stranger who is so thankful to not live my life, you seem to think I got coerced into spending my time with small children. It may shock you to know that my husband doesn’t lock me in my house each day. I hang out with these little people on purpose. I might not always be a stay at home mom, but for now, I CHOSE this.


They are “busy”, but they’re also precious and hilarious. Exhausted as I may be…I’m exhausted in a pretty wonderful way.

What confession can you relate to the most?…or share one of your own!

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**Some of you have asked where I got the awesome T, I bought it here: jumpingjackjack  on Etsy.


99 responses to “Confessions from a Stay at Home Mom”

  1. I SAH in the AM. Work afternoon and evening. I relate so much to coffee, kid food (babybel cheese snacks YUM!) and socks. I have a 15m old. If matching socks wasn’t already haRd enough, they’re teeny too.

  2. Haha teeny socks are so hard!

  3. I am that mom! I told two teenage boys at the mall (already inside and in line for movie tickets) to go directly back outside and re-park their dad’s car because it’s not nice to leave 4 inches between your car and the driver’s side door of the next car and your dad will not appreciate the giant dent in the door at all. My daughter (19) turned to me and said “did you really just send two strangers out to their car to re-park?”

  4. I think we may possibly be best friend soulmates! I laughed so hard at this that I almost pee’d myself.

  5. Ahahhaha! I love it!

  6. I can’t stop laughing at the sock thing because just a couple of hours ago I was in a draw full of socks thinking matching socks is clearly an impossible task! & Coffee is life!

    Love your blog!

  7. Where do you live? Wanna be my Mommy friend? 🙂 I can relate to of all this, but the one thing you said I appreciate the most is: wanting to be a SAHM. My single friends act like I’m from another planet at times, which I don’t get because we have so much fun with our kids! After coffee, of course.

  8. Laura Bumgardner Avatar
    Laura Bumgardner

    You truly have a gift with words! I especially love the parts about getting dressed and putting on makeup, taking an Instagram pic of a dressed mother, meaning to get out of the house by 9 am and it’s now 3:45, and when people ask what you’ve been up to staring blankly til they’re uncomfortable. I laughed so hard, I had tears coming out. You should seriously write a book.

  9. I didn’t drink coffee til I had kids. Now I have two toddlers 3yr old Bowen who thinks he is part ninja turtle. 2yr old Bella and six week old Ben…dark roast community please I’ll take at least a pot plenty sugars and sweeter sugars from my kiddos then I can handle my day on little sleep…like youi love sah with my babies

  10. Been a SAHM for almost 11 years. My youngest is 7. They are all at school all day now, and I still haven’t gotten caught up on laundry. Three girls = all drama all the time. I should own stock in Folgers. Going grocery shopping alone at Wal-mart is my excuse to get dressed and put on make-up. Only to see others there in their pajama pants. I feel you girl. I feel you!

  11. I can relate. You are not alone momma! Like Lorelai Gilmore, I like my coffee with my oxygen. Sometimes I get out of the house just once a day- just to say that I did it! And that trip is just to go up to the Chick Fil A drive thru, or the new starbucks (also a drive thru!) that popped up by my house!
    I’m a vocal person, but I never wanted to be “that mom” that yells at her kids. There are very few instances when I have actually yelled. In fact, I’ve discovered that that sort of “quiet thunder” that comes from lowering your ‘serious voice’ and raising your eye brows does the trick a lot better!
    I love my precious babies. I dreamed of being a stay at home mom and leaving the “work world” ever since I got pregnant with our son (our first child).
    I had this Very different idea in my head of what it would be like though. It is not what I expected, but it Is a one of a kind, unique sort of wonderful. I wouldn’t trade this time with my littles for the world (and I only have 2!)
    I’m so glad to know that I’m not the only one with the bottomless basket of laundry!

  12. Omg I think I just got compared to Lorelei Gilmore? Day made. Thank you!

  13. Amazing. Loved it, related to it, laughed a lot about it. I am this mom (and That Mom). Thank you for this. I am going to go make my afternoon pot of coffee now.

  14. Oh my goodness! I might need to sit my husband down and make him read this! I’m definitely guilty of using passenger seat “me time” in blissful ignorance of my children’s shrieks (“he licked my sandal!”).

    Thank you for this, you made my morning (along with a potent shot of Vittoria Italian Blend)

  15. Mom of 4 here ages 7-3 months. And my kids all got boots for Christmas because I couldn’t deal with the sock thing anymore. I save socks I find and we use them for church on Sunday. And my 7 year old totally wore her 5 yo brothers socks to pe one day. My confession- sometimes I don’t go places because the thought of getting everyone in and out of the car plus through wherever we are going is to much for me to bear. Took me 3 months to go to hobby lobby to get a zipper. g

  16. Haha! Thanks for keepin’ it real!

  17. I laughed out loud all the way through this blog post. Finally another mom who understands me! You are a riot!!! 😂

  18. Oh my goodness YES to the not-locked-in-the-house one!!! I LOVE what I do here with my four sweeties every day! Don’t appreciate the pitying expressions/phrases. We have a happy home here, people!

  19. Naptime. Need I say more?! I have a 6yo, 3yo, and 10 month old… I love naptime !!

  20. Just a lil confirmation for all my SAH mama friends… The mismatched socks is totally acceptable. I volunteered with health screenings at school last week and when asked to take shoes off for height and weight… We began to laugh and take talley of the unmatched socks. Kids were embarrassed, but over half (I kid you not) had one of Dads and one of their own!

  21. I’ve been a SAHM for almost 16 years (What?!?). I choose to SAH still even though my baby went off to kindergarten this year. Although the endless days of sleep deprivation & being covered in baby vomit are far behind me, these “little people” still need me here. I volunteer in their classrooms, drive carpool, and shuttle to after school activities. And I’m finally to a place where I can shower regularly!!!

  22. YEEEES, this is great information haha!!

  23. So great! One day I wore a tall thick sock and a no show sock and didn’t notice until I was speaking in front of 60 other moms. Too real.

  24. I have one to add… How about yes, my house may STILL look a slight messy at the end of the day, but TRUST ME when I say I did clean today. You should have seen it in its stage from morning to the time hubby walks in the door. The toddler had every drawer empty, clothes I hung up I’ve rehung from him pulling them off hangers, food was all over the floor, etc. may not look like I did much, but it’s no where near what it looked like that afternoon, and I feel like I spent all day cleaning and am tired.

  25. […] This post originally appeared at […]

  26. Hilarious because it’s all true! Loved it all, especially the socks. I have 4 boys (18 mo-7 yrs)…I have worn their socks and they wear mine. My mom laughed at me like I was crazy with mismatched socks (on everyone). She had 5 kids…was there some magic sock matching machine in the 70s/80s we don’t know about? I think selective memory is at play. Anyway, thank you for the needed laugh today!

  27. Hahaha- there must have been!

  28. Awesome article!! This is so random, but WHERE DID YOU BUY YOUR SHIRT?! 😀

  29. The link is at the bottom of the post Aisha 🙂 a lot of people wanted to know!

  30. My DIL is a part-time professional and a full-time Mama to 4 amazing kids 9, 7, 5 and 2 and you are her!!!!! I am so proud of her and very proud of you too! Please keep your eye on the prize of raising future tax paying citizens with integrity, honesty and love……our country needs them!!! (BTW….DIL, daughter-in-law)😘😘😘😘

  31. Dk from Philippines Avatar
    Dk from Philippines

    I dont drink coffee for breakfast until I had a baby. Your blog is like my life on concise words.. havent experienced the “socks” thing yet… hehe my little one is just 10mos old… Cant wait for your book. Hehe please post on your facebook page if you will have one..

  32. I can’t relate to the sock thing. I find them to be tiny pieces of satans own garments. One of each pair is always missing. So I thought to myself, why bother? So my son and I don’t do socks and I take no responsibility for my husband’s foot prisons 🙂

    The part about your husband not locking you in the house made me laugh out loud. People can’t understand willfully being around your child for more than 4 hours out of the day.

  33. I am working towards being a SAHM but am a Nanny right now, and bring my son with….so sorta a Double SAHM really, for one family then my own. I relate to ALL the points above!! As others may have mentioned, I feel BFF are a total possibility. I have one confession….I am terrified of the day when my LO doesn’t take a nap anymore. I NEED that time to myself, sometime for my own nap!! I can’t keep my sanity all day and wait until the late hours of the night to “check out” , because by that time I am ready for bed!

    Oh, and I have experience potty training other peoples children, but I am also terrified to take that journey myself as a parent!

    I wish for the best!

  34. I LOVE your last one!!!! I love my job too!!!! My kiddos are the BEST job in the world!!!!!! Wouldn’t change it for anything!

  35. An apple over coffee? PUHLEASE. Apple sales must have been at an all time low the week that research study came out. Coffee is my life and I only have one kid. ha!

  36. That gave me a good laugh! Which was needed …. we’re all on lunch break after our first day back to home school with ages 10, 8, 6, 3, and 1 1/2. Love what you said about choosing this life, though. It may be hard, but it’s so worth it! My confession is that I cannot remember the last time I mopped my floor. And trust me, it needs it. I’ve got the sock thing covered, though. All the boys have black socks and all the girls have white. They always match! Doesn’t keep them from disappearing, but I’ll take what I can get … 😉

  37. Ok so YOU CAN subscribe and save on Amazon for socks!!!!! The recommended delivery is every month! 😂 I’m like bring it. Between my man, and 2 boys and daughter, just buh buh buh buh… (Goldie in overboard) So at least my 10 yo will only wear tall socks, and hubs wears short socks- they wear the SAME SIZE so this helps.

  38. You nailed it all. I laughed out loud! I forget my kids birth dates all the time. Can’t remember my age anymore either. And I wouldn’t trade it for the world. 💜

  39. […] This post originally appeared on Wonderoak […]

  40. Fiction in my head is strong with this one! I heart you!

  41. Love your writing. Funny, sweet, insightful, life-affirming. Thanks.

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